Is success measured by the number of As?
“SUCCESS” and “fulfilment” are two separate things which should not be confused, says chief executive officer of Corporate Coach Academy and International Coach Federation (ICF) Master Certified Coach Dr Michael Heah.
“In a strict sense, success is extrinsic or tangibly driven, such as the number of As, a big house, a good paying job, money in the bank, meeting a target and so forth. It is short-lasting and after a while the glamour will die off.
“On the other hand, fulfilment is intrinsic and intangible; being able to live one’s dream or passion, living out our values, making a difference and so forth. That is longer-lasting.
“When success is achieved without fulfilment, it becomes an empty success, leading to frustration and disillusionment.”
Heah stresses that, from the standpoint of education, this can happen when parents push their children to become “scholars” although it is clear that they are not into this but prefer something like a vocational type of achievement where the “hands” are used rather than the “brain”.
ICF certified life coach David Tan agrees.
“Academic results only look at the outer strength of basic knowledge. We also need to start focusing on mental strength, in terms of how good children are at building relationships and keeping to a given assignment.
“Successful people will tell you that they overcame struggles by having the patience to wait for the right time and the right opportunities. Their success was developed through discipline and self-control, not by rash decisions or slipping into a deep sense of depression because of a single setback.”
He advises students who have faced setbacks to focus on the next step and move forward.
“If they did badly in Mathematics, focus on improving that or get a tutor. Essentially, it’s about understanding your weaknesses and working on them instead of letting a small setback overwhelm you. It’s learning to persevere in the face of adversity.
“You are in Standard Six. It’s not the end of the world. Many famous people were not successful in their early years.”
Tan adds that parents have the biggest role to play in helping their children deal with disappointment.
“Parents should be cognisant of how much or little they are contributing to their child’s growth. A large part of helping them is about spending time with their children and sharing with them life lessons that they themselves have learnt. After all, that’s how wisdom is passed down throughout the generations. Parents need to develop themselves too because they are a part of their child’s success or failure.”
Children who are trying to pick themselves up from where they are now need to be diligent and hardworking, he says.
“These are two different things — being hardworking is like chopping wood for two hours instead of twenty minutes, while being diligent is going the extra mile by keeping the axe sharpened, oiled and ready for use at all times. Diligence is the consistent following up and ensuring it cuts deep and efficiently.
“Children must also learn to have faith in themselves and understand themselves. Faith brings confidence, and the ability to accomplish much. A measure of self-faith will enable a child to overcome a lot. Management books don’t tell you that. They can’t measure it; and you won’t find this in schoolbooks. They can’t teach this singularly.”
The ultimate lesson, he adds, is to learn how to allow failure to guide you back to the path of success because if you learn that early on in life, you won’t get depressed later on because failure could be right around the corner for anyone.
“This is life and parents should take advantage of these failures. Don’t say, ‘you are a failure’. Instead teach them to pick themselves up. If this is a situation at Standard Six, I see this as a fantastic opportunity to learn about success.” be mandatory. They must be guided by experienced teachers who will see to their success. Parents should use a “bad performance” as an opportunity to talk to their kids about rising up from the bottom and persevering. And encourage them not to give up but try again.
“When it comes to what is presumed as failure, let them know their weaknesses and get them to make an effort to work harder around their weaknesses by motivating them,” says Soon Kheng Im, mother of two.