ARE WE JUST GLORIFIED SANDWICH MAKERS?
No, and we’re not sorry about it, either
IN a nondescript American home, a domestic affair most foul (or fair, as one may see it) made the obligatory social media rounds fitting of news, too trivial for print, but too hashtagworthy to dismiss. A woman, peeved by her husband’s sexist joke about her being a “sandwich maker”, served him one with the slice of cheese still encased in its plastic wrapping, emblazoned with the words “NOT SORRY”. Man posts pictures retelling the events online; Internet buzz ensues; shares and likes distributed; feminists around the world rejoice; people go to sleep and wake up to the next day’s cyber sensation; cheese, all but forgotten in a litany of doggo memes and Coachella outfits.
How far, indeed, humanity has come.
But, to belittle a thing like this is to overlook its connotations. Women love it for the way the wife made her feelings heard, playing into hubby’s archaic perception of her before turning it around with inventive and non-threatening humour, taking back her right as a woman not to make every man she meets a sandwich. Men love it because, in the end, the dude still got his sandwich. So, moral of the story, it’s okay for women to stand up for themselves — they can even look good doing it — as long as men get what they want at the end of the day.
Okay, this may be a generalisation. But ask yourself why you think that is. Is it because the female face to the left of this article signifies to you that I may be blowing things out of proportion? Reacting overemotionally? Reading into things too much? Overanalysing? All of the above?
Because of such entrenched and antiquated cliches, modern social mores dictate that women must inherently apologise for her gender. Sometimes literally, as illustrated in a crushing 2004 Pantene commercial highlighting the tendency of women to say “sorry” far too much and far too often.
Which isn’t to say that we should always let our bareknuckled rage against the patriarchy flag fly, because even we can be our own worst enemy. Former United States secretary of state Madeleine Albright said that “there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women”. There’s perhaps an even deeper hole in hell for women bent on pushing other women down. So, maybe, quit the slut shaming and victim blaming, give a sister a hand and be a decent human being.
Standing together can affect the most change, as demonstrated in the recent booting of Fox News host Bill O’Reilly over multiple claims of sexual harassment. They are a reminder that everyone needs to be more engaged, and more forcefully so. Even Sarah Palin had pearls of wisdom, chiming in on the issue, saying women “should feel more empowered. Take a stand and get out of the place and blow the whistle on the perpetrator doing the bad stuff so that the culture will change”.
But at the very least, ladies and gentlemen, peoples of the Planet Earth, let me settle this one point of contention: there is nothing funny about casual sexism. Casual sexism gives you an excuse to covertly implant the idea that prejudice, in small doses, is okay. It allows the inexcusable to go excused. Worse, the mundanity, normalisation and integration of casual sexism in our everyday lives — at family gatherings, the workplace, as you talk to your spouse while your children are listening — have turned even women against each other, calling others “feminazis” when they “can’t take a joke”. Worse still, our daughters grow up thinking its just the way of the world, and teach their daughters the same.
This is so ingrained that a 2015 Cosmopolitan survey, which found that one in three women at the workplace had been sexually harassed, also revealed that a fair number of them didn’t even realise that they were experiencing sexual harassment.
So, how can you help? Trust in women to make decisions and learn from them without attributing any of their mistakes to their biological make-up. Create a safe space for women to voice their concerns without dismissing them as petty, an overreaction, unworthy of being addressed just because they are not playing by a man’s “tough” rules fundamentally stacked against. Focus on creating an environment that feels fair and equitable, even if it’s just your own actions you can change, because a culture of fear, in which women who have issues are afraid to voice them, is a disadvantage for all genders, and creates toxic environments in which all exposed are affected and trickles down.
Even the little things count: maybe don’t laugh at that sexist joke. Maybe don’t comment on her weight like there’s a magic number out there somewhere that all women must aim for and conform to. Maybe encourage her to take a seat at the table. Maybe make the sons wash the dishes just as much as the daughters do. But simplest of all, and yet, for all its simplicity, one of the easiest to forget: listen to her. Unless, of course, you find plastic goes well with your cheese.
There’s perhaps an even deeper hole in hell for women bent on pushing other women down. So, maybe, quit the slut shaming and victim blaming, give a sister a hand and be a decent human being.