Crush onyou
A crush can bring you more than just a loving feeling, discovers Elena Koshy
WHEN I was 10, with a physique of Olive Oyl and sporting the haircut of a primary schoolboy (thanks, dad), I had a crush on Charlie, a twenty-something guitarist. He used to play the guitar for our carolling sessions during Christmas.
In keeping with the ethos of prepubescent crushes, I never told him a thing. I was 10 after all and children do develop crushes as arbitrarily as food preferences.
He didn’t have a clue. Nevertheless, he made me want to sing the loudest, learn up new carols fastest and try to sing the best way I can.
I studiously learnt how good singers sang and imitated them in an effort to impress him. I never missed a day of carol practice and I doted on him like a love-struck child.
However, in keeping with the ephemeral nature of crushes, my fixation on guitar-strumming Charlie soon faded (although he remained one of my dearest friends) as I grew up.
What remained was my love for music and the ability to belt out a song. Charlie was my first real crush and he wasn’t the last.
Through the years, I’ve collected crushes with the wonder of a child and kept them all in my compartment of memories — relishing the experience and learning from each one of them.
The biggest lesson I’ve learnt over time is that crushes never ever go out of style — at least where I’m concerned.
They can hit you at any age, any time, and anywhere.
You’ll soon learn that the schoolgirl phenomenon of “crushing” never quite dissipates along with teenage acne and training bras.
Art of crushing
Racing pulse, an urge to stalk the object of your crush, and the sudden ability to procure useless information about the object of your desire (you know his birthdate, car number plate, favourite band, his deodorant brand and that his third molar is slightly discoloured as compared to the rest of his perfect teeth).
Okay, it may not be love. It’s probably not love. In fact, it may just be lust. Or infatuation. Or furious longing tinged with hope. But whatever it is and however you feel, you don’t necessarily have to act on it. No matter how old you are or your relationship statuses, crushes are really harmless — if you recognise it for what it is and not treat it as a signal to channel Kathy Bates in
Can crushes be beneficial? Yes, says Jason Hughes, founder of Leicester Centre for Psychodynamic Counselling.
He points out that crushes are not only totally normal but can actually offer plenty of benefits.
According to Hughes: “Crushes help us to feel alive, help us to feel, and help us to imagine — this is especially important when we might feel that we’re trapped in a routine, stuck in a job or relationship where there’s little new and vibrant — they highlight what we might want, what we might be missing — who we might want to be rather than (just) who we might want to be with.”