Some things are better because of you

CAREGIVERS are now being recognised for the crucial role they play in our lives, especially whenweorourlovedonesneed constant care due to illness. Whenourloved ones, regardless of age, get seriously sick, our systems go on overdrive and our lives veer away from the ordinary.

While many people can manage on their own, it's always good to have help and back up. Those who've done their share of caregiving and hospital duties would be familiar with the ups and downs of knowing what's going to happen next as well as the gut-wrenching unknown factors that come along with it.

A caregiver's journey can be overwhelming, frustrating, scary and even lonely. And it often seems thankless. You can't alwaystalkaboutitbecausemany people don't really have the time to listen; some can't understand or relate because they haven't experienced it.

Taking care of sick people, especially those who are physically and mentally challenged, in addition to those who need round-the-clock care takes a lot out of you, physically and emotionally. You may gripe about it, and you may even feel like running away from it all. But you can't.

In those quiet moments that you have when you check in on that person while they're sleeping, looking so calm and exactly like the person they were before illness robbed them of their old self, all thoughts of fleeing melt away.

They can't help it. The illness has set in and there's nothing you can do to change the past. All you can do is deal with the now and all the tomorrows.

an imPOrtant rOLe

As a caregiver, you're always learning new things. You start reading and finding out more about the illness and everything there is to knowabout it. You start asking questions and talking to people with similar experiences. You become an expert.

Your loved one and the doctors depend on you for your feedback. You become an important link between the doctor and the patient that can makeaworld of difference.

On days when you feel down and low, give yourself some credit and realise how important your role as a caregiver is. You might not be able to see it at the time when you're in the thick of those critical moments, but you'd always be able to see it clearly in retrospect.

I've been a caregiver for nearly 30 years. In those years, I never thought about my role as a caregiver. I was just there to help people who needed me — starting with my infant son who fought for his life. I just did what I had to do, what any mother would do.

It was the same years later when my parents got older and illness challenged them every step of the way. We did it all for love because we wanted what's best for them.

Caring for loved ones in such circumstances changes your perspective on life — what's important to you, how you view people and things, and how you'd like to live. You make plans for your golden years differently. You may want to prepare and provide differently too because you see the havoc an unplanned life can wreak on those you leave behind.

sPeCiaL memOries

Your social life also changes. You may not have time for parties and holidays, but nothing's more precious than those memories you have of your loved ones! I'll never forget the tender moments when I'd creep into my late mum's bed to keep her company and ease her insomnia. I'd hug her and let her talk until sleep overtook her. Dad died the year before and she missed him.

I also remember when dad had to go for his first ever medical procedure. He was terrified but didn't want to drop his macho image. When he was all prepped and ready to go, he thanked me for being there with him and that he wasn't so scared knowing that I'd be right outside the door waiting for him. He made me feel like his hero, when in truth, he was mine.

Just a few weeks before dad passed away, he asked me if he was dying. How does anyone answer such a question? He was very ill and his situation, dire.

I read somewhere that one of the biggest fears people have about illness and death is going through it all alone. However, because of you, your loved one will never have to feel that.

Whether they're of sound mind or whether they're struggling with dementia, the comfort of knowing that someone is there for them has a profoundly beneficial impact. You being there is a priceless gift.

In your darkest momentsasacaregiver, never underestimate the impact you have on others. No one's going to give you a medal for what you do. You may not even bethanked for it. But rememberthis: you've made a difference in someone's life. That's all that matters.

Note: The views expressed in this article are the writer’s own