COACHING FOR SELF WORTHINESS
LEAVE BEHIND YOUR OLD BAGGAGE
QMy past was very sad, even shameful. Many events in my family have left deep psychological scars in me. Since then, I have avoided my childhood friends because they either remind me of my past or I feel they know too much of it. So, I try not to have anything to do with them. I even changed a few letters in my name! While I want to live a new life altogether, I know that deep inside me, I am avoiding the truth.
I’m now in my 50s now and I really want to rekindle my relationship with old classmates,
old hometown friends, etc. Although I have the means to indulge in many of the things, I still have the fear of what they might be thinking of me and my family.
What do I need to do so that I do not need to be on the run anymore?
A
Unknowingly, you are taking the past along with you, thereby affecting relationships with people who are your true friends. There is only one thing you can do to resolve this. Stand up and be bold to purge these bad memories once and for all.
Shift your mind on the positives. Be proud of yourself and what you have achieved. Find a good friend to talk to so that these old memories and feelings are finally out in the open. You will feel much better when you do so.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
• What are your current thoughts that are making you feel depressed?
• How are they helping you?
• How can the past be your ally instead of your adversary?
• What will you do now to live in the present?
SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART
Q
I am one person who chokes when it comes to saying endearing words to my loved ones. You see, I love my wife, my mother and my children but I have never been able to hug them nor tell them how I feel about them.
Instead, I convey this through my actions: buy them a good dinner, take care of their needs, give them a surprise present, etc. So far these are the best I can do.
Am I abnormal? Are there people like me? Can I change this?
AYou are not abnormal as many people are like you although this could be due to a lack of self-esteem. A reason why they cannot say those loving words is because they feel alien to these tender and loving words, as they do not feel the same way for themselves. Another reason could be their perceived inability to handle the same loving words should someone says this to them like: “I love you too!” One other reason is their ego: fearing that they may be seen as ‘softies’ for saying those words. Due to these reasons, they are more comfortable with giving but not getting ‘favours’ in return.
Learn to feel worthy and trust yourself that nothing damaging will result from this. Tell yourself that you deserve as much as the other person. You need not be a ‘martyr’ to anyone. Take small steps to be more generous with your words, starting by saying “Goodbye” to them when you leave the house or “Thank you” when they do something good for you, no matter how small. Over time, build it up gradually where you will be more generous with phrases such as “I love you”, and so on.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
• What is it that you are not happy doing to show your love and appreciation for your loved ones?
• What small steps can you take to say what you always wanted to?
• Which is more fulfilling: suppressing them or allowing for full expression of what you have always wanted to say?
• What small gentle and loving words will you be comfortable in saying to them now to begin with?
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