SELF ASSURANCE COMES FIRST
BUILD CONFIDENCE TO FACE YOUR FEARS
QAlthough I love my husband very much, there is this fear that he could leave me one day. I have heard lots of stories of unhappy endings from my sister, good friends and colleagues. This somehow convinced me it would happen to me, too. This fear is making it very difficult for me to express my full love for him. I am losing sleep over this. What can I do with my fears and how do I get rid of them?
A
The more negative thoughts you have on this issue, the more likely it will generate negative energies that can lead to a chain of self-fulfilling prophecies. You need to face this fear confidently. If you do not, it is likely to magnify many times more and soon become a reality you do not want. Over time, life will become unbearable, which can affect the relationship. But when you face up to it, you will not only develop courage, you will also find creative strategies to deal with it effectively.
You need to believe in yourself more to drown your fears. When you do this, you will become positive and confident. You will learn to trust him, rather than become suspicious over the smallest things you see or feel. Remember, when you are small-hearted with small things, you will irritate anyone, including him. Should this happen, you will make him angry, frustrated and unhappy.
Address your fear squarely by describing the fear thoroughly and thinking about the consequences of your husband abandoning you, how you will handle it and what resources you will call forth. In a separate exercise, write about things you can do to prevent this. Share this with a close friend so that you can let it all out.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
• What is this fear about?
• How can you be sure that you are a wife your husband will always need?
• How can you prevent this from happening?
• What can you do now to live with happiness without this worrying you?
STAY OBJECTIVE NO MATTER WHAT
Q
I am suing my ex-husband for not fulfilling his part of the divorce agreement. We agreed that he will provide monthly payments to support our two children under my custody. While I want him to honour the agreement, I am also feeling very lousy about it. It is giving me sleepless nights, bad moods and depression. My job performance has dropped a lot, too. Very often, I wonder whether I should pursue this. Why do I feel this way? How do I get rid of it?
A
You are feeling very guilty about doing this to your ex-husband who is also the father of your children. You probably think you are a mean and vengeful person. But are you? Your conscience is clear if you are doing this for your children.
However, if there is a hidden agenda, then you need to sort it out differently.
Get your purpose right and let your actions follow. A clear conscience is needed; otherwise, even your children will see your actions as mean and cruel. It may be worth the while to talk to your children, if they are old enough, about what you have to do. Get their support and I am sure you will not feel guilty about what you are about to do.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
• What is the real reason for your planned action?
• Is it logical to feel bad if you have no bad intentions?
• If it is not, then what is a wise action to take?
• What are the consequences if you do not do anything?
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