HELP! I HATE GIVING FEEDBACK

Q:There are people in my organisation who do not do what they say they will do. To me, this is a lack of integrity as there is a disconnect between their words and actions. The sad thing is, they are not even bothered about not delivering their promises – and many of them are leaders who should display better behaviours! I am not sure whether I should leave them alone or tell them how I feel. What would you advise?

A:

Nothing beats letting people know how they are doing, even though doing this may not be very pleasant. People should feel privileged to get feedback from someone who is sincere as compared to many who do not get any. They stand a lower chance for improvement compared to those who get feedback often. We all should be courageous to give feedback so that we become role models for others to do the same.

To do this well, be tactful, compassionate and not act like you have caught a thief. Create a safe environment to make them feel comfortable to hear as well as for them to talk about their oversights or wrongdoings. When sharing your observations with them, be as specific as possible for them to know exactly what they need to improve on.

Cite cases and give examples so that they are very clear about what you mean. Make it empowering for them to change by raising their awareness on what the improvements will do for them (and also the harm they do should they continue). Finally, be helpful by asking them what kind of support they need to make the change successful.

POWERFUL QUESTIONS

• What will make it compelling for you to give feedback to someone?

• How will doing this resonate with your personal values?

• How can you make sure they are aware of what exactly to improve on?

• What compelling reason will empower them to make the change?

WHEN YOUR FEEDBACK IS NOT TAKEN KINDLY

Q:

I feel very frustrated and disappointed with my subordinates for turning against me when I want them to improve their performance. My advice to them on what they should be doing to become top performers always end up in arguments, with them defending their actions and accusing me of picking on them. Why is this good intention perceived as bad by these people?

A:

It really boils down to two things: the level of rapport you have with your people and the way you communicate with them. Without these, good intentions can easily be misinterpreted as bad ones. So you need to reflect deeply on how well you are doing in these two areas.

Usually, when you are anxious or stressed, you may inadvertently say and do things which can be hurtful. Choice of words, mannerisms, talking style and eye contact are just a few of these that can go wrong. To avoid this, try not to give advice or feedback immediately when the incident happens. Instead, give yourself a cooling-off period to recollect and even rehearse what you want to say.

After having told the person, give him the space to express himself while you listen to him calmly and empathetically. You may not agree with him, just like he may not agree with what is said. So do not react by telling yourself it is okay for disagreement. Taking deep breaths to stay calm is useful when in tense moments. Once you can manage yourself well in this, you will be better at giving feedback.

POWERFUL QUESTIONS

• What state of mind are you usually in when giving feedback to someone?

• How helpful is this in getting you the results you want?

• What needs to be enhanced for better results?

• What do you want to remember to do always?