MEANTTO BE
MOTHER OF FOUR, NADIA NASIMUDDIN SHARES HER EXTRAORDINARY JOURNEY TO MOTHERHOOD
Mother of four, Nadia Nasimuddin shares her extraordinary journey to motherhood
Nadia and her husband Hamzah Alang Azman are doting parents to four kids – Aidan, 9, Tahlia, 5, Taraa, 3 and Tia, 1. While they are now the picture-perfect family, for a while it didn’t seem that a big family was what was destined for her.
In her early days of marriage, the plan, she says, was to have between two and four kids. But the path to parenthood was not a clear one. Aidan came three years after marriage and while she had hoped to have a two-year gap for her second child, Tahlia arrived four years later after a tough pregnancy that left the young mother feeling dejected.
“My first and second pregnancies were just so tough that we thought it would be best not to have any more children. We already had a boy and a girl,” she explains. “I thought I was done,” she laughs.
But fate had other plans. Although it was difficult to conceive her first two children, baby Taraa and Tia came unexpectedly with age gaps of barely two years. For a while, Nadia and Hamzah were in the unique situation of having three children under the age of three.
“It is so chaotic at home!” she laughs, “but I can’t imagine it any other way, if I just had two. The three girls were born in 2016, 2018 and 2020.”
It is a gift, Nadia believes and Hamzah, she adds, is “very happy. He always wanted four kids.” A blessing, it is, she concedes, but the pregnancies were challenging and became increasingly so with each child.
Frequent admission into hospital, sickness that went on till six months and weight loss were just some of things that Nadia had to cope with. Already petite, Nadia found her weight going down to just 40kg. All children were premature with both Taraa and Tia needing to be placed in an incubator.
The last two pregnancies were discovered while Nadia was abroad. With Taraa, Nadia was on holiday in Los Angeles and with Tia, it was while on holiday in London. Both times, Nadia recognised that something was “off” and flew back quickly.
“True enough, the moment I landed, the vomiting started and I was admitted and put on drip,” she says.
“HAMZAH AND I WERE WATCHING THE KIDS PLAYING OUTSIDE DURING BREAKFAST ONE MORNING AND IT JUST FELT SO RIGHT, LIKE THIS WAS HOW IT WAS MEANT TO BE” SAYS NADIA NASIMUDDIN, REFLECTING ON HER JOURNEY TO MOTHERHOOD.
In London while she recognised the early symptoms, she dismissed it initially as Taraa was only around six months at the time. But when she started to develop an adverse reaction to even cooking, she knew she had to return quickly.
“I started looking for assam,” she laughs. “I knew I had to book the next flight and go home. If not, I would be stuck in London for a long time.”
By the time the flights were confirmed, Nadia had weakened to the point that she needed a wheelchair as she made her way home.
“I was so sick that I couldn’t walk,” she describes. At that point, she wasn’t even sure whether her body could take another pregnancy. “With the third pregnancy, I still thought maybe it might be different from Tahlia’s but it was worse.”
In February last year, Tia, the youngest, was born two months before her due date. But she wasn’t spared from going through the same things experienced in her previous pregnancies.
For all four pregnancies, Nadia had to spend a significant amount of time on bed rest. With Aidan, she hadn’t at the time assumed much responsibility at Naza Group of Companies, where she now oversees the F&B arm of the group. With Tahlia, Nadia had become so weak that she couldn’t even pick up her phone to read her messages.
“With Taraa and Tia, the office got everything prepared, even changed the signatories because they knew that I would not be able to come in.”
Difficult pregnancies, she says, are something that most don’t fully understand and more importantly, don’t really talk about. Often the effects are simply dismissed as “hormones.”
“But it is not just about that,” she stresses. “It is an emotional experience and sometimes just having to express my feelings was difficult. I get irritated when people keep saying it is hormones.”
Each pregnancy had its specific set of struggles. With Aidan, Nadia had to move in with her in-laws for support after being confined to bed. As it was her first pregnancy, there was less certainty on how she would cope. On one occasion, after much coaxing to get her to move, Nadia tried to take a shower on her own but she fainted because she was too weak.
With Tahlia, after an intense vomiting which she attributed to food poisoning, she discovered she was pregnant. When she was told she was just five weeks pregnant at the time, she had to mentally prepare herself as the sickness had started so early on.
During her pregnancy with Taraa, she had a bout of sickness that left her traumatised. On a morning that she felt better, she decided that she was well enough to go to KLCC. However, when she arrived, the familiar feeling of nausea started. She dismissed it, thinking perhaps she would feel better after eating.
“But after that I created quite a scene,” she recalls. “I got sick in front of everyone and I couldn’t make it in time to the washroom. I was so embarrassed and I remember the cleaner was looking at me. Hamzah even had to go and buy a t-shirt for me.”
She had initially thought she was recovering but previous incidents have taught her that one’s body can just “switch.”
“It is very hard, your movements are restricted and also the moments are different. Some days you think you are fine, you go into the office and then suddenly you are not. As much as you want to try, you just cannot.”
With Tahlia, things took a turn for the worse when Nadia found herself falling into a depression. She was confined to her room and spent six months in the dark, too weak to even pick up the remote that Hamzah would leave by her side.
“I was really bad. It was so hard to be positive,” she says. “When I could get up, I would pray. The doctor said I was going into depression and at the time, it was hard for Hamzah to understand.”
“IT IS AN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE AND SOMETIMES JUST HAVING TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS WAS DIFFICULT. I GET IRRITATED WHEN PEOPLE KEEP SAYING IT IS HORMONES”
“I THINK WE WANT TO KEEP IT ALL TO OURSELVES BUT IT IS SOMETHING PEOPLE NEED TO TALK ABOUT AND SHARE. IT SHOULDN’T BE SOMETHING YOU FEEL SHY OR EMBARRASSED ABOUT”
But when Taraa came along, he had learnt how to handle the situation, right down to preparing Nadia’s bath because she didn’t have the energy to stand.
“On some days, he would even have to wash my hair because I was too weak.”
He had learnt how to navigate around the sickness.
“When to come in, when not to disturb me. How to prepare my bath because some days I didn’t have the energy to stand. On some days, he would have to wash my hair because I was too weak.”
Having the support of your spouse is really important, she says. And women should be able to talk about their experiences without fear of being judged. Unfortunately, Nadia adds, that difficult pregnancies continue to be a taboo subject, one that most don’t want to address.
“I think we want to keep it all to ourselves but it is something people need to talk about and share. It shouldn’t be something you feel shy or embarrassed about,” she states, adding that while morning sickness is common, the severity differs from person to person.
“The whole journey is different for everyone. For some, it is in the morning; for others, it is at night and for some, it is through the whole pregnancy.”
Sharing information, she believes, will help other women cope better, particularly when tips are shared. With social media, she says, it is easy to learn from the experiences of others.
“It is nice to hear what everyone shares,” she explains. “Sometimes you think you have it really bad but when you hear other stories, you can deal with it better, since people share tips. When I had Aidan and Tahlia, it was harder. I was more isolated.”
To other women who are experiencing the same, Nadia advises to get a really good support system.
“It can be your sister, your spouse or even your doctor,” she says. “See someone if you have to, someone you can talk to without feeling that you are being judged. Don’t keep it in. With Tahlia, I really kept it in and it really took a toll on me.”
The support is also necessary post-pregnancy. Thankfully, Nadia had her sister to turn to for help.
“Don’t be afraid to ask for help,” she stresses. “Don’t feel that you have to do everything yourself and don’t put pressure on yourself.”