MIRTH-QUAKE

Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Said to a railroad engineer: What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late. The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn’t rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It’s because your feet aren’t empty.

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies? Student: I don’t know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from? Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked. “No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing.”

A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: “Young man... you keep both hands on the wheel...I’ll tell you when it’s raining!”

There is a California dude going through a desert. He’s wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He’s having a good time. Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching. He stops the Arabs and ask them cheerfully: “Hey dudes how far is the sea?” They look at each other and say: “Two thousand miles!” And he says: “Wow what a cool beach!!!”

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you.