It’s a war, not just battles
A few days ago, a young girl called out in a Tik Tok video about a teacher who cracked a joke about rape. Apparently, the teacher said this during a lesson on sexual harassment and he ‘advised’ his students (presumably boys) that if they intended to rape someone, pick only those aged 18 and above. He also said that if boys were raped, it would not be reported because ‘they enjoy the sensation’. Since the posting of the video the secondary school student said she has received a rape threat from a schoolmate.
“Yes, I got a rape threat from one of my male schoolmates at school.”
When confronted the perpetrator said it was only a joke. Since then, a few other people have expressed the opinion that the brave girl was just being too sensitive and that ‘it was just a joke.’
I raised this matter with a friend who holds a senior position in the educational establishment. In our exchanges, two things he said irked me. The first one being that the girl should not have gone public about this matter. He said the girl should have lodged a proper complaint with the school, not take it to the social media. That is the SOP.
The cynic in me immediately came out with a knee-jerk response, “Yeah right, sweep it under the carpet that lies a few feet deep in the bureaucracy.” Can you blame me? There have been dozens of such internal inquiries of misdeeds and the result has been pretty much zilch.
A most notable case was the allegations of Penan girls and women being raped and molested by timber company workers in the Baram district in Sarawak. That was over 10 years ago in 2009. A special committee was set up by the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry and revealed that at least seven girls and women were raped and molested. A hefty report document was written. And what happened? Nada!
That reminds me of the British Sitcom, ‘Yes Minister’ where Sir Humphry, the Permanent Secretary advised the Prime Minister how to bury an issue. This was his advice – “form a committee to investigate and during which time no public discussion on the matter is allowed as the matter is being studied. Take as long as possible and hopefully with the passage of time the public will have forgotten about it. If that is not enough, produce a hefty voluminous report that no one care to read. Walla, the matter is forgotten”.
So, we must salute that courageous young student, who at great risk to herself, has the guts to stand up to this toxic culture of male masculinity and blow it out in the open.
The second comment from my educationist friend – “If it is meant to be a joke, then joke it is. Why so serious?” – particularly galled me because it is a deja vu for me. By the way, deja vu is described as “that uncanny sensation you have already experienced something.”
It was nearly 30 years ago. I was at a speech contest. A contestant desperate to capture the attention of the audience said, “Oh dear, I was nearly disqualified because I was almost late. In the lift, I was joined by a bevvy of beauties (here he demonstrated with his gesture how well-endowed they were). They took turn to rape me. Well, I just laid back and took it like a man”. “Hahaha, hihihi” the audience, men and women, laughed. To rub it in the judges awarded him third place. “Why do you laugh,” I asked the woman sitting beside me. “Aya, it is only a joke. Why so serious? Where is your sense of humour?” I just sat there quietly, I didn’t have the courage of the young student to stand up and walk out of the room.
Over the years I have attended several dinner functions where desperate speakers, in an attempt to engage the audience and hold their attention, resorted to cracking sexist jokes. Of late they have included LBGT as the target of their unfunny speeches. All the time we just sat there in pusillanimous silence.
There is much literature and research about what gives rise to this evil phenomenon of rape – objectifying women as a sex object, bullying and preying on the weak, entitlement of the strong to give vent to their bestial instinct, etc. However, it is not the time just for analysis. It is time to act. I know there are some NGOs that are working tirelessly to get laws enacted to protect women from gender-based discrimination, violence and harassment and lobbying our government to ratify the UN Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination against Women. These valiant organisations have been fighting long battles. However, this is a long war, not just battles. It is a war against a toxic culture where women are cowed into accepting their victimhood and men driven into having to prove that they are “real men” by laughing at lewd sexist joke.
It is a long journey – changing the mindset. It is a journey that we, men and women, must take together. A young girl has bravely taken the lead to publicly speak out. Let’s answer her clarion call.