Recognising unhealthy coping behaviours
BEING turned down for an opinion that you gave during a meeting. Being in an environment in which you do not feel welcomed, or a tense argument with your significant other.
It is inevitable for everyone to encounter unpleasant situations in life.
To feel better and avoid unpleasant emotions, some of us work through the problem, while some retreat to coping mechanisms.
Nevertheless, by analysing your response to challenges, you might uncover a lot about yourself.
Although protecting yourself behind your walls now seems safe, doing so just keeps you stagnant and prevents you from moving forward. What I mean by this is that, instead of developing authentic self-confidence, defence mechanisms can create a fake sensation of comfort.
For extra knowledge, here are 10 examples of common defence mechanisms: denial, repression, displacement, projection, reaction formation, regression, rationalisation, sublimation, dissociation and avoidance.
Humans are beings of habits, but when we occasionally find ourselves in ruts that do not work for us, we have the ability to break such habits and stop utilising defence mechanisms that hold us back once we learn to take responsibility for our own emotions.
As someone who finds it easier to write down her feelings than to express them verbally, I find that journaling is a great and very healthy approach to process my emotions and start to see more clearly the patterns that can help me move forward.
I feel that even something as basic as writing down odd and random things that occur to mind can have the same therapeutic impact as venting to a friend on WhatsApp.
For that purpose, I carry a small, special notebook to work, where I record my random moods and thoughts for the day.
Just like that, there are many tools and resources out there to support shifting your mindset. The key is finding the toolkit that works best for you.
But occasionally, when confronted with situations that cause me to feel awful, my default reaction is indifference. As they say, ‘ignorance is bliss’, therefore I take solace in shutting out my body and mind and being ‘unemotional’ (or faking it!) around everyone and everything. Because I know that I am a sensitive person, I am afraid to really invest myself in a scenario and make myself be overwhelmed by the emotions it evokes.
In instances when solving problems requires conversations and confrontations, this may not be the most ideal behaviour, but sometimes, your mind and body have to do what makes you feel better when you are feeling anxious.
To me, I can overcome the mountain of dread and gaslighting with the help of indifference.
Previously, I did not think this habit was problematic or unhealthy, but as I became older and saw how important effective communication was in new relationships that I found along the way, I found myself wanting to cut back on it.
One might describe this coping mechanism as selfish. For example, what should you do about someone who makes a concerted effort to act that everything is fine even when others, who are affected by your actions, are calling for an intervention?
Disregarding a situation may calm the nerves for one side, but it might lead to more problems than you may want.
Though we remain oblivious to our own problematic habits, it is often obvious to others.
While there is a place for some coping strategies, if you see that certain behaviours are harmful to your relationships and general well-being, you may want to change them.
As their own immune system, defences are important. The topic is worth a lengthy essay to talk about.
Yet, certain habits prevent us from seeing what we actually need or want to heal, particularly when they are the results of trauma, stress or anger. They serve as a means of shifting the responsibility away from ourselves.
In order to grow, you have to acknowledge that while you have no influence over other people’s behaviour that may trigger the habits, you do have power over your own feelings and responses.
This is the distinction between people who create their own lives, and those who
allow life to happen to them.
It is only natural to develop coping strategies or defensive mechanisms. However, when you find yourself excessively relying on them and using them as an excuse for not moving forward (when you could have been), it is time to examine your behaviour and make some changes.