No child’s play
Is a young teenager ready for marriage?
MOST parents in Malaysia would be horrified to read about a young teenager getting married. Even though getting married young was common in our great grandparents’ time, today it is unheard of, especially among cityfolks.
How can a child be ready for marriage and all its responsibilities and commitments?
Miliee Kassim, executive trustee of Kassim Chin Humanity Foundation (KCHF), questions how children can be allowed to marry.
“They are not yet mature and still need taking care of. Even if children at this young age wanted to marry, one should realise that what these children have in mind may be just fantasy of what movies and storybooks are made of. The reality of the responsibilities have not dawn upon them yet,” she says.
Author, trainer and mother of six, Jamilah Samian believes that the scenario is different for every individual. “The map is not the territory. Reality for one person is very different from another.
“We tend to make assumptions and judgments, based on our own experiences and values, and impose it on other people despite the fact that we know so little about them.
We may not even make an attempt to understand where they’re coming from! How do we know if it’s the right or wrong thing to do?” she asks.
Elaine Yong, lecturer and developmental psychologist with Sunway University, says that at age 11 to 13, an individual is transitioning from the phase of late childhood to adolescence.
The major developmental milestone at this period is puberty and identifying their sexual identity.
“Physically, a young adolescent is adjusting and learning to accept the physical changes that his/her body is experiencing.
This individual is generally not ready for marriage in most aspects, be it physically, socio-emotionally or cognitively.
He is just beginning to explore his sexual identity and become more critical of the world with the support from the family.
For girls, they may be ready to physically conceive a child, but they will have more difficulties carrying and delivering a fullterm baby.
Most children that age are awkward and shy and are desperately trying to identify with themselves; and are not ready to emotionally and cognitively handle the expectations of marriage and parenthood,” she says.
ParenThots finds out what the risks and consequences are when a young adolescent marries, as well as what parents can do to prevent their child from going down this path.
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