Never give up
From a struggling dyslexic student to a top scorer, the writer is proof that all things are possible for those who believe in themselves.
DO you shudder when you see a b or a d? I did – was never able to differentiate between the two. Instead of looking for a 2b pencil, I would be searching for a 2d pencil. Friends would look at me and ask, “What’s wrong with you? I’ve told you 101 times, 2d pencils don’t exist!” Quietly, I would apologise.
I was born dyslexic. Dyslexia is a learning difficulty that is neurological in origin. It affects the way people read, write and spell words. I never dared tell any of my friends about my condition.
Deep down in my heart, I can’t deny that it hurts so much. I often wish I could run away, or that there was a restroom right there so I could cry out loud, bite my handkerchief and bang the wall. I had done this countless times.
It’s not easy to identify dyslexics from the way they look, so dyslexics like me are in no man’s land. Dyslexia doesn’t manifest itself physically, nor is it a disease.
Thus the suffering often comes with stereotyping. Thankfully my mum, Ann Yap, and dad, Yeoh Kok Hoe, are aware of my condition and did their utmost best as parents.
Mum quit her job at a hotel, while Dad worked late into the night to supplement the family income.
I felt like a square peg in a round hole, an outcast for whom school was a torture! Thankfully, dyslexia can be dealt with by paying close attention to the specific area of difficulty.
I often got confused over which was my left or right shoe, even up to the age of 12. Being a left-hander made things tougher.
School was pure torture, especially a Chinese medium school, as I could not hand in simple homework without mistakes – yes, even something as simple as colouring the Malaysian flag. My form teacher, Ms Heng, knew about my condition, and thanks to her personal attention and encouragement, my self-esteem grew tremendously.
A dyslexic needs extra help from teachers as the latter shape the learning process. Although I failed my tests, I wasn’t given red markings or crosses. Instead, I was given smileys and hand-made badges to show that my efforts were appreciated.
I only had two friends in school at that time, and it was Ms Heng who asked more of my schoolmates to befriend me. I felt so out of place among classmates who whined about scoring under 80 marks in their exams. Why? Because I failed almost all my subjects. In fact, I would be on top of the world if I passed!
Ms Heng’s goal was to get me a pass in her papers, and to avoid the morale-shattering “Gagal” in my report card.
During report card days, Mum gathered all her courage to walk into my class, the last class in the whole form, to collect my report card. I was He paid for all my tuition fees, and tuition fees for dyslexics are exorbitant!
I often hid in my room and cried, and asked myself why couldn’t I be as smart as my friends. My self-esteem hit rock bottom at one point, and I was further embarrassed by a few incidents of bedwetting.
Being dyslexic, I have to put in so much more effort in everything I do. I raced against time to complete my school work every night. There was no time to chill out with friends or relax on the coach and watch television. Instead of shuttling between art classes like regular kids, I was visiting medical specialists.
In school, recess time meant rushing to the teachers’ desks for extra guidance. One-on-one attention greatly helps a dyslexic. I can’t recall having the luxury of sitting in the canteen to enjoy a hot bowl of noodles.
When the school bell rang for dismissal, I often stayed back to get additional coaching from dedicated teachers. Often, being the last to leave, we would lock up the office.
There were lots of sacrifices to be made. I had to make do with five to six hours of sleep. I crossed out movies, shopping and everything fun from my calendar in order to be on par with my peers, academically.
Life was like one big experiment for me then. I tried different studying techniques to find which worked best for me. All my efforts were not in vain. I scored 7As in the PMR exams, and emerged champion in a public speaking contest and table tennis competition. I took the top prize in the Federal Territory Teacher’s Day writing competition.
I started contributing articles to The Star newspaper, and the joy of seeing my name in print is indescribable.
One can overcome dyslexia, if you believe in yourself. It’s never too late to achieve something for yourself.
I dream of becoming a lawyer one day, and I will be starting college next month. In the meantime, I am teaching underprivileged students in my school. It is a project which I initiated, and it is my way of thanking all those who have helped me. I have been on the receiving end of much kindness, and I want to help others who are struggling in school, like I once did.
The smiles on the faces of the lives I’ve touched, is reward enough for me.
After what I’ve gone through as a child, I dedicate this piece to all those who have to go the extra mile to realise their dreams. often among the last in class.
Mum smiled politely and said, “Well, Cassandra did her best,” and walked away whenever other kiasu parents asked how I had fared in the exams.
Instead of scolding me for embarrassing her, Mum would tap my shoulder and say, “So proud of you! You did your best. I’ll never blame you.”
I often wondered how she mustered so much courage to do that for six years.
Throughout my school years, I would hang my head and wonder how nice it would be to perform on stage. I knew it could never happen to me. The only time I was on stage was when I was punished for not finishing my homework!
Dad did his best to spend quality time with me. He attended school events although I was no star student.
Determined: Beyond Barriers is a new platform for sharing and raising awareness on disability issues. We welcome contributions from readers who have a disability or any special needs, caregivers, advocates of disability groups, or anyone living with any chronic medical condition. Email your stories to star2@ thestar.com.my. contributions which are published will be paid, so please include your full name, Ic number, address and contact number.