A balance of discipline and independence

BESIDES being a child’s caregivers, parents should ideally be the ultimate authority in a child’s life. Parents act as a child’s social and moral compass, and the child learns from the actions and example of the parents, both overtly and subconsciously.

So what happens when a child spends the majority of her time away from her parents at boarding school? The schooling years are the most crucial for a child’s development into a successful adult, so boarding schools have a lot to do when it comes to balancing the child’s independent development with discipline.

Rules and regulations are important not only to give children a sense of structure and routine, but also for their safety. Discipline in boarding schools is usually strictly enforced, which pushes students to develop mature and responsible attitudes towards academics and life in general.

Most boarding schools put in place philosophies for living that enable boarders to thrive in a community living environment away from the authority of parents.

For example, Nexus International School has in place a “Choose Respect Community” where boarders are expected to have respect in everything they do, everyone they encounter as well as self-respect.

Sunway International School uses a method of “reasoning” where authority figures provide reasons and explanations for rules and the consequences of behaviours, which encourages students to analyse their own behaviour and leads them to becoming socially aware and accountable for their actions.

Independence and maturity at school, however, do not mean that the child does not need her family any longer.

“Boarding does not become a surrogate parent; rather it is an extension of the boarder’s family. These days, boarding acknowledges parents as the primary caregivers and staff work in partnership with parents to look after the child,” says Trevor Schubert, Nexus International School’s director of boarding.

“Children always need the patient and caring guidance of their parents but by the age of 11 most are ready for broader influences in their lives,” adds Jane Smith, deputy head of Epsom College in Malaysia.

“By this age, preteens have developed social skills, healthy self-esteem and a firm and positive identity, which allow them to enjoy and benefit from boarding life led by their housemaster or housemistress and teachers,” she continues.

“The structures of a good boarding school act as good parents do by offering a safe environment from which to explore the world, achieve or fail and then try again with support and guidance from experts in their field, all leading to success within the students’ own areas of interest.”

While boarding’s rigorous academics and discipline could be perceived to create graduates who are so aligned to school culture and closed off from the real world that life on the outside poses a challenge to them, studies have in fact shown that the opposite is true.

“Students with a boarding background are more curious about others, are better informed about current events, more interested in learning, and have better social skills than many students from day schools.

“Boarding allows children the opportunity to live and learn alongside children from different backgrounds and cultures – an invaluable experience for adult life,” says Smith.

Graduates of boarding school are also better prepared than most to enter university and the working world as they will have learned to look after themselves, each other and the environment, says Schubert.

“Boarders are also taught to give their time to others and to work together. They develop the discipline needed to complete work of a high standard during study time,” he continues.

This discipline will later translate into responsibility and success in life, and an individual who can contribute to society and the nation.