WImPs who wear you out
Ever met one of those characters whose life is a never-ending string of woes?
ISUSPECT we’ve all met Woe-IsMe Personalities (WIMPs) before. I mean to say, they’re everywhere, just waiting to ambush your ear and suck the energy right out of you, as they talk about their latest tale of woe.
You’ll find them in offices, educational institutes, clubs, bars and restaurants. They can also be heard on public transport and at sporting events.
Heck, you might even sleep with one. And once you give them your ear, they won’t give it back to you until they’re finished, or the planet collides with a giant asteroid and explodes.
I used to work with a WIMP. Of course, I didn’t know she was a WIMP when I first met her. Some WIMPs are very good at concealing their true nature, at least for as long as it takes for them to convince you of their sweetness.
“Let me show you where the canteen is,” announced my WIMP during my first coffee break, on the first day of my new job.
I was so happy to have someone look out for me. But it was all an illusion. At the end of that first week, my WIMP’s real personality decided that it was time to come out and play.
“Oh my God, you’ll never believe the bad skin I’ve got today,” she announced, just as we were sitting down to an afternoon snack in the canteen.
“What happened?” I said, feeling genuinely concerned for her.
“It’s a genetic condition that flares up from time to time,” she said, rolling up her sleeve to show me a patch of dry skin on her elbow. “Can’t something be done?” “No. I usually just suffer in silence. Except on those days when it becomes almost unbearable. Most people don’t understand how unbearable my skin condition can be.”
This was the first lie she told me, because I quickly learnt that she never, ever suffered in silence. After I’d listened to her talking about her dysfunctional epidermis for half an hour, I felt guilty when my mind began to stray. I silently chastised myself for my lack of patience. If only I’d known that the floodgates had just been opened.
That weekend, my WIMP called me three times to complain about all sorts of catastrophic events that had befallen her. Her skin was so bad that nobody, and I mean nobody, could understand her pain.
Then there was the uncaring (and when I say uncaring, I mean hugely uncaring) boyfriend who had dumped her, because he felt that she didn’t listen to him.
“Like honestly, Mary, can you imagine anyone saying something like that about me?” she said. “How uncaring can you get?”
“Well, I think …” I began, before she interrupted me.
“Yes, well there you are. I knew I could trust you to tell the truth.”
She then completed her hat-trick by telling me about the inconsiderate neighbours who made a terrible noise when they returned home every night at about midnight.
“Do you know what lack of sleep can do to you?” she asked.
Without even pausing for me to offer an answer, she ploughed on. “It can cause brain damage and impair your reactions to the extent that you behave like someone who has dementia. Dementia? Can you believe that people can be so inconsiderate? No wonder I’m having problems at work.”
It would appear that no one (and when I say no one, I mean not a single soul) understands what she goes through every day. And when I say every day, I mean seven days a week.
Such talk drains you and makes you want to run away from these WIMPs and their difficult lives. But sometimes you can’t run away.
For example, on a flight from London to Kuala Lumpur, I once sat next to an elderly man whose life was just one long string of unfortunate events. His wife had passed away, and his daughter had cheated him out of a large sum of money, and everyone hated him. And when he said everyone hated him, he meant absolutely everyone.
And he was absolutely right, because after a few hours listening to everything that was going wrong in his life, I began to wonder if I was on the brink of beginning to hate him.
The worst thing about WIMPs is that they do not listen to advice. Possibly because no one can truly understand the gravity of their situation. And when I say no one, I mean absolutely no one.