Bumpy start to life in a new country

THERE she stood, her ultra-slim silhouette on her front doorstep, as I alighted from the taxi that seemed to take ages to get me from Brisbane international airport to her house.

As I approached her, I could see her wan face, lightweight body and her bones sticking out from under her pale pyjamas. I was overcome with shock, and my eyes began to well up with tears. This was my daughter whom I had not seen for merely two months. She had been joyful and healthy-looking prior to her departure to Australia.

Months before she left for Brisbane with her husband and three young children, I had pre-empted her that life would be tough once the novelty of being in a new country wore off. There would be no extended family or close friends to reach out to, in times of need. In her case, it was even more challenging as she had been a working mum in her home country. Overnight, from climbing the corporate ladder, she had given up a good career to become a full-time housewife and to support her husband’s career.

In the last two months, from a zero baseline, she has had to cope with looking after three active kids, preparing or cooking three meals daily, doing all the household chores, running errands, etc while her husband was constantly travelling for various projects. It was not difficult to fathom how easily she had become burnt out and overwhelmed. The words “I told you so” formed in my mind but I willed myself to not utter them.

I am largely to blame. Being her mum, I had always indulged my daughter from young, taking care of all her needs, and never exposing her to any kind of household chores or even getting her to cook a simple meal. I did not get her ready to become a wife and a mother, let alone a full-time housewife. She knew so little when she got married but that was still fine as she had the help of a maid, her in-laws and myself when she was living in her home country. Now that she was completely alone in a foreign country, she had to grow up at lightning speed to manage the entire household.

I spent the last one month with her and her family, making sure that I could make her life easier while I was there and hoping that she could regain some of the weight that she had lost and replenish her energy level. Ensuring that my daughter enjoyed every meal that I put on the table was the first step, besides helping out with the kids in every possible way. With each child being a year apart, they are constantly fighting for attention, food and toys. Quiet moments could only be savoured when two of the kids were at daycare or when all three were napping.

I left Brisbane with a very heavy heart. I knew that once back to being on her own, my daughter would again be burnt out by her kids and the daily chores. My parting words: that if at all she could not manage, she and her family only needed to pack and return home, and she would always be welcomed back.