Undying love for aged parents

SAMUEL Yesuiah”s poignant article “Doing What’s Right By Dad” (Star2, April 22) brought to surface the agony that adult children face in decision-making, as parents become frail and fraught with pitfalls.

Kudos to Samuel and his wife for making a very difficult decision in the face of opposition from several fronts. As the primary caregiver, he has endured a lot of criticism but stayed focused on the needs and care of both his aged parents.

The burden of being carers for aged or sickly parents can wear out even the most filial children and their families. At times, it feels like the ultimate betrayal towards our loved ones. Yet, there comes a point when there is a change in the level of care. At this stage, most often no person, and no service in the family home alone, can meet the growing needs of such parents.

Samuel and his wife have made the ultimate decision of turning to institutionalised nursing home care. This allows all members of the primary carer’s family to have serenity, space, time, etc to make the best of the situation. It enables children to continue to love and honour their parents albeit in a new atmosphere. This approach allows parent(s) to maintain their “dignity”. Parents who are cognitively stable can feel embarrassed when children attend to their personal needs. This option is a gift from children to their aged parents, a way of expressing their undying love towards them.

When I am like an aged prune, in diapers, drooling saliva, I still hope to maintain my dignity. Institutionalised care may have its imperfections but I prefer this arrangement to the indignity of my loved ones attending to my personal needs. I want my children to grow and write their own life stories, and not be burdened with caring for me during my frail/ sick sunset years.

So, my dear children, when the time comes, please send me to a nursing home. This is my “living will” and I trust you will honour it.