A mother's musings
MOTHERS will always remain “motherly” towards their children, no matter what age the children attain – past their teenage years, busy in their careers, married or not, living near or far.
In our minds, they are forever remembered as the children they once were, even when they have children of their own. Oh well, once a mother, always a mother. We would still like to be at least a bit involved, whenever we can, in their ups and downs, and to let them know we are there for them.
Mothers continually share stories and tips with one another. They also learn different approaches to some problems – that some ways of doing things can be better than others.
One mother does not need to be better than another – they are different. In fact, you don’t need to even compare with your own mother – she’s from a different era! Though gratefully surviving in this digital age, I occasionally “freeze” when handling my smart phone or the “one-touch” oven!
I once met someone who said proudly, “My daughter treats me like a friend”, and another who said, “No, I am not my child’s friend. I will always firstly be her mother, with some say in her life. I gave birth to her.”
My stand is that we are somewhere in between; we mothers can continue caring with motherly concern, and not just give friendly advice when required. A mother should be seen as more than a friend. Friends can say they love you despite your flaws but a mother’s love is mostly unconditional; she might just excuse (or not even notice) your flaws!
However, being imperfect parents with imperfect children, we never know what insecurities our children may hide from us.
A friend recently told me how impressed she was by the book Childhood Matters (by Sudha Kudva) that highlights self-worth in children and how to avoid “baggage” being carried over into their adult lives. It is truly important that we make time to inculcate in them a sense of confidence and responsibility to do the right thing, and to be kind and helpful. No matter how slow or restless, stubborn or shy our children may be from young, we need to be tough in teaching them the right values – and pray that they keep sharing these with the right company!
As a septuagenarian now, with several interests that keep me stimulated, and grateful to be alert and mobile, i find it heartening to come across elderly mothers happily busy in different ways – involved in club activities or volunteering their services or indulging in hobbies like gardening, line-dancing or travelling. We need to find some “me time” to refresh ourselves, to feel spiritually uplifted.
I also see some grandmothers handling multi-roles of cook, driver, nurse, teacher – and coping very well. A few from my age group have admitted they are exhausted from tending to little grandchildren at home or bedridden spouses.
I have told them they should get their working children to take leave for the elderly parent-carer to have a break – to attend reunions with friends or to spend the day outside the home in some leisurely activity. Or very soon there will be one more to babysit!
To all mothers blessed with loving children, respect the changes that come with ageing – in your life and theirs. Your children and grandchildren are occupied with their own way of life – it’s their turn to be in control. Let them run the show; just sit back and relish the time spent together!
Here’s wishing all mothers “A Very Happy Mother’s Day”! Even if you are alone on this day, I hope you have lovely memories (from your mother’s time and your own) to warm your heart, and gratitude for those memories.