Bouncing Back after CANCER
“CANCER!” Such an ugly word. Negativity is associated with this term.
When I first learnt that I had cancer of the spine, I was shocked. Spinal cancer – I had never heard of this before. Tears flowed but I knew crying was futile.
My daughter and her fiancé flew back from Auckland to take care of me for three months. My husband and my eldest son pampered me.
I had raised my children and showered them with love all my life, and did all the household chores for decades. But when I was ill recently, my family did all the chores for me.
I needed weekly chemotherapy for five months or more. Initially I was weak, and my children vacuumed the house and cooked for me. Love was in the air!
Gradually, all the pain was gone.
After the surgery to remove useless bone and the tumour from my spine, I woke up feeling weak and sleepy. Thoughts raced through my mind: I had to fight the cancer. I had backache for two months; the doctor suggested more rest.
An X-ray showed sinisterlooking fractures on my back and ribs. An MRI scan revealed tumours on my spine and ribs. The word “cancer” struck terror in my heart. I went for a mammogram and ultrasound screening to detect the tumours in my breast and spine. The tumour had caused an ugly hunch in my upper back, and the spine surgeon removed a piece of bone from my back. I had to wear a brace for months. It was a big item strapped in front of my chest and the back. It kept my spine straight but when people saw me in it, they would ask me about it.
When I went shopping, I wore my husband’s T shirt over it, but the back of the brace stood out clearly, like a camel’s hump. Friends asked me what it was, and I had to explain. Thus it was difficult to go out, but I had to be brave.
“Take baby steps,” the doctor said. I had to learn all over again how to do the things which at first I could not do after my surgery, such as carrying pots and pans.
For years, I had climbed mountains, gone diving, done aerobics and played tennis. In the first few months post-surgery, I could not even go for walks as my back was weak.
The first two months were really difficult and I had to search for little pockets of happiness, like looking at my granddaughter’s photos, sitting on the balcony upstairs and observing the pretty birds in the trees, and the squirrels gnawing at the coconuts.
After two months, I started to drive again. This was a comfort as I could go and visit my friends. It was a joy to be able to carry heavier items and bend down to pick things up.
It was wonderful when I could go for morning walks (wearing my big brace) after four months. Then I started doing gardening again, when I could squat. After five months, I was able to swim, slowly, much to my delight.
Then after six long months, I could walk quickly without using the brace.
Such newfound joy filled my soul, and I dared to hope for more achievements!
Soon, perhaps, I can drive to visit my dear friends in Ipoh and go bird-watching again. Not “perhaps”; I will drive to Ipoh and even Kuala Lumpur, in future. Never mind if I cannot go mountain-climbing or play tennis again! One must not be too ambitious after a serious illness.
I am blessed as I can even drink some beer and wine again. We have to count our blessings, live day by day, thank God for little spots of happiness each day. We have to be thankful for little things, such as three meals a day, our children’s laughter or the sight of birds, flowers and the glorious sun in the sky. We should never take things for granted but appreciate living life to the fullest.