Caroline and me
A very special friendship between our reader and his university mate continues to the next generation.
THE University of Greenwich is a lesser known college. But, as an alumnus, I take pride that there are Nobel Laureates among our alumni.
Greenwich is on the outskirts of London. When “exam season” arrived, almost all students would isolate themselves to revise. Greenwich would then resemble a ghost town except for the presence of tourists.
In 1973, I was the only non-British in a course I enrolled in. In group assignments, I was always paired with a British girl of Irish descent named Caroline. This was because our family names started with the letter “Y”. I used my father’s name “Yaacob” as my family’s name. Caroline’s family name was Yates. Her family had migrated to England in the mid 19th century during the Irish famine.
Caroline was sweet, both in looks and behaviour. Initially, we were just colleagues tasked with completing our group assignments. Caroline commended me for my diligence and was also surprised at my command of English.
From primary to secondary, I had attended a Christian missionary school in Klang with English as the medium of instruction. The number of Malay students then was small. This forced me to mix with and befriend non-Malays. Thus later on I was able to adapt to non-Malays easily. This prepared me to mix well with non-Malaysian students and staff at Greenwich.
In the middle of our second year, my relationship with Caroline became closer. Our coursemates and friends accepted us as a pair. While visiting the university, Caroline‘s parents had no objection to our relationship.
In our third and final year, Caroline and I were inseparable. Should there be anything to be given to Caroline by our lecturers and they happened to meet me first, they would pass it to me to give to her. And vice versa.
We would spend time studying and having meals together, doing our shopping and walking in the park to release any tension especially relating to our studies. Caroline constantly advised me to relax and not be pressured by academic work. I told her the thought of returning home without a degree was unbearable.
At last, the final exams came. With satisfactory results in all my assignments, I faced the final exams with confidence. About three weeks after our final paper, the results were displayed at the faculty’s notice board. We were all relieved to gain honours in our work.
Behind the happiness, reality crept in. I had to return home as required by my sponsor.
A Malay friend advised me to think carefully about my relationship with Caroline as it concerned issues of religion, culture and mixed marriage. He admitted that Caroline was a nice person and that many Malaysians were fond of her.
My relatives in Malaysia also voiced their scepticism.
One day, over lunch, I pulled all my courage and told her that our relationship had to end and that, from then on, we would just be friends. I explained to her that not one of my relatives was in favour of our relationship.
Our relationship could endure for three years as we were both students with a similar objective. Our similarities ended when our studies ended. We now had to face reality. Though Caroline accepted my explanation, I could see tears in her eyes. I could also feel tears in mine. We were quiet for a while. I broke the silence and told her that it was better for her to hate me there and then than later on. Her parents accepted the decision we arrived at. They were thankful to me for taking care of her during our undergraduate days at the university.
Caroline and her parents were at Heathrow Airport to bid me farewell. To forget Caroline, I did not write her a single letter except for a Christmas card which I sent every year.
Almost 15 years later, I went back to England to do my PhD. I was then a family man with three children. One summer’s day, I took my family to a camping site near Caroline’s hometown. I then took the opportunity to visit her family.
What a shock Caroline’s mother had when she saw me. With hesitation, she asked whether it was truly me after all those years. Both her parents invited me and my family to have tea. Coincidentally, Caroline was there and she too was shocked to see me. We spent about 90 minutes chatting about old times and what transpired since they last saw me. They were happy to see me and my family. Caroline was now a lecturer at a local college. What a coincidence, as I too was a lecturer. Caroline’s husband was a teacher at a school a few miles away.
Just as I thought my episode with Caroline’s family had ended, another twist took place. In 2006, my daughter was awarded a Federal scholarship to continue her studies in England. Fate had it that her university was in Caroline’s hometown. I bought a pewter of Petronas Twin Towers for her to give to Caroline’s parents as a gift.
Not long after, I received a letter from Caroline’s mother, thanking me for the gift and for remembering her family. She also promised me to treat my daughter as an adopted granddaughter. She invited her to stay with her family whenever time permitted. She kept her word. Our families
have been in contact ever since.