After 60, what remains?

A reader takes the opportunity to be open and bare her soul.

I HAVE been 60 for two years now, and feel blessed to still be around. Given the madness and mayhem of modern day living, there are many who do not make it to 60.

My own mother died of a heart attack when she was 54. I lost a close friend to cancer and she was only 51. A favourite uncle died at age 50 of cancer. Sooner or later we will all meet this eventuality that underscores the brevity of life. And so it was that when I was 57, I felt a compulsion to write my own epitaph:

“Here lies Mary, sweet and still, “Dreams and wishes all fulfilled; “Just like her to go in style, “Never wasted a moment’s while; “She lived just as she believed,

“Joy and mirth in each day lived.” Simplicity being the theme in my life, I crafted my epitaph to the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. With the help of technology, the tune will be played softly when someone stands within 2m of my tombstone. So as the visitor reads the poem, there is automatic music accompaniment!

I do not feel the least morbid about writing this, as an examined death is as important as an examined life. It is good to have an irreverent sense of humour towards death; to have the courage to look it in the eye, and recognise it as an intrinsic part of human experience.

Ironically, it is when we talk about death, therein lies the richness of life. It is when we realise the fragility and vulnerability of being human, particularly in the 21st century, that we appreciate life more.

My husband has managed his colorectal cancer most brilliantly just by having faith and hope that things will get better. For one who has overcome the dual onslaughts of radiotherapy and chemotherapy, he looks cheerful and positive.

Cancer is debilitating, financially draining, energy-sapping and has the force to shake up one’s routine and plans. That’s what it can do. But what it cannot do is weaken one’s will to live or remove the joy of living. With his cancer now stable and with a promising prognosis, he has resolved to cherish every moment of family time together.

No one tells you that after 60, dizzying changes and challenges will come unbidden. Words that creep into the senior’s conversation include macular degeneration, cataracts, cholesterol, diabetes, colonoscopy and angiogram. Acronyms such as MRI, HDL, AMD and BMI become common. It has also become normal practice to Google for further information on whatever discomfort or disease one is battling. In other words, we become more aware of our own mortality as the years add up.

However healthy you are at mid-life, there comes a time when you realise that age has caught up with you. You catch sight of a time-ravaged face in the fitting-room mirror and you notice other unforgiving signs-of-the-times as well, in that unforgiving three-panelled mirror. It is an age epiphany moment when you find it hard to recall names, and words become elusive in a conversation.

I do not contrive to reach the age of 62 without acknowledging that Higher Hands are leading me. My youth is gone and I cannot keep up with the relentless march of time. And now, I am more than halfway through my time on Earth, and each birthday marks a new bonus of time. No maternal dean’s list for me; no monument marks my existence; and definitely there are no roads named after me.

There is no blueprint on how one should live one’s life, simply because life itself is capricious, ever-changing and unyielding. In my own simplistic way, I think that loving someone every day, getting some love in return, fostering honest friendships, being generous and kind, will get you through the day.

With six decades of life behind me, I believe that having personal integrity and staying true to oneself, pulling off one’s mask, is the key to living a meaningful life. So much of who I am, my actions, my decisions, and my choices, are guided by this touchstone in life. I feel that there are moments in time when people need to be open and bare their soul. This appears to be one.

Have something you feel strongly about? Get on your soapbox and preach to us at star2@ thestar.com.my so that we can share it with the world.