Equality in marriage
WHEN a man marries a woman, he takes her away from her family, who have spent years educating her and instilling in her the values of being a woman with a face and a voice. Thus, it is indeed sad to see the man trying to change the woman into becoming submissive after marriage, because he feels superior to her.
When the man falls in love with the woman, her confidence attracts him. He loves her for having an opinion and being able to hold a conversation. He admires her courage in speaking her mind, debating about issues and sharing new ideas with him.
So why does the man change after they are proclaimed “husband and wife”? Why does the man now think that he owns her? Why does he insist that all decisions be made by him alone, and she loses her voice totally? Why does he ignore her needs and feelings?
Why does the husband turn into a selfish and egoistic man after marriage? Why does the man think that it is okay to be disrespectful to his wife, and stop treating her as an equal partner in the relationship? Even when the wife is an income-earner and is educated, her self-worth and self-esteem would be low if the husband talks down to her and does not value her as an individual. He does not allow her to speak, think or make any decisions. He expects her to just listen and obey all his commands.
Selfish husbands believe that the world revolves around them. He lacks empathy for the wife and has a hard time understanding why the wife is upset. If the wife complains about him or disagrees with him, he feels that the wife is the problem, not him. He does not respect anyone but expects all his needs and desires to be fulfilled.
A selfish husband usually refuses to help out with chores but he expects the wife to be cheerful all the time, even as she takes care of the family and cleans the house, now a boring routine in her mundane life.
The selfish husband expects her to devote all her time and energy for the family while he still maintains his routine like in his bachelorhood. He still goes to the gym, has his “yumcha” sessions with his friends, and practically does anything he pleases, while the wife stays cooped up in the house, facing demanding children all day long.
I believe that communication and compromise play an essential part in a healthy relationship. The alarm bell should sound if your partner does not care about your opinion, is not willing to take “no” for an answer, and guilt-traps you into agreeing with his decisions.
Mutual respect is a foundation in any relationship, which comes with responsibilities. The husband should not seek to dominate the wife just to boost his ego.
When partners in a marriage value equality, they see each other as equals, treat each other with respect, consider each other’s needs, and support each other. Equal partners agree on goals together and work as a team to achieve these goals. They show equal commitment to the relationship, and provide mutual support and nurturing. They value each other’s work life, even if the wife works full-time at home as a housewife! An equal partnership benefits both the husband and the wife. Marriage is a lot of work, thus it is important for the husband to do his equal share to make it work. A healthy relationship can be built, and both partners can be happy with how they have grown together over the years by respecting each other.
Marriage has always been complicated, with both parties having expectations. How can the man make the marriage better? Learn to be an equal partner and improve the marriage by making his wife feel respected, appreciated and loved. Most importantly, value the woman he married as an individual who has a voice and a face.