Are you a bully?
Bullying is not just about causing physical pain; it can take on so many forms.
WHEN I was a child, there was no such thing as bullying, at least not like what’s shown on TV nowadays. But there was definitely the occasional (playful) shoving, punching and all those boyish antics. It was normal, for boys, at least. We didn’t call it bullying, either. Maybe comradeship? I don’t know.
Bullying can be a solo act, not necessarily involving a group of people. Old people can be good bullies. Women, too. Bullies don’t just come from the “alpha” community, as perceived by the majority.
In my opinion, bullying comes in many forms and shades. It need not necessarily involve fists and flying kicks that result in physical pain.
Bullying is often to deprive someone of one (or all) of these: love, attention, peace, peace of mind, respect, dignity, happiness, wealth, good health, friendships and opportunities.
If I ignore a specific individual in my group of friends, that’s bullying the poor individual because I deprive him of the attention and respect that the others enjoy. Constant rudeness towards someone, that’s also bullying. Getting my youngest sibling to carry my briefcase to my car every morning makes me a bully because the task is not my sibling’s job, at least not daily!
Name calling or passing derogatory remarks is also bullying because I inflict mental and emotional pain on that person without any flying kick or kungfu fists.
Raising my voice at others to prove my supremacy does not make me an outspoken person but a bully. This is common in the service industry. Customers expect superb service from the crew; when expectations are not met, they go berserk.
A toddler is a bully if she favours one grandparent over another simply because that particular grandparent indulges the toddler’s whining for new toys every week, extra spoonfuls of icecream, and the like.
Another form of bullying is gender bias. Men are asked to shift all the furniture from one corner to another corner of a huge building (just because they are macho men) – that’s bullying, yeah. A newly married lady being forced by her in-laws to remain at home and do the chores – that’s bullying too because she’s deprived of opportunities to work, gain knowledge or just have fun.
Bullying can take the form of manipulation. When I was in school, we were asked to paint our classroom. It was fun but my parents said it’s bullying. “It’s to instil the spirit of volunteerism in these young minds,” my teacher explained.
Bullying doesn’t have to be all about anger and physical abuse. A rich person can rob others of dignity by jeering, “Among us, whose watch is the cheapest? I’m certain it’s not mine.”
An intelligent person could puncture others’ self-esteem by mockingly saying, “You guys need to read more. So ignorant of everything.”
Being overly excited can make you a bully, too. Such people often talk a tad too much. No?
Their jokes are uncensored, remarks unfiltered, resulting in a bunch of offended people.
An act performed against a person’s will is bullying, too. At work, when you are ordered to do everyone’s work because they insist you need the “practice”.
Bullying can also be as simple as queue-jumping – be it at the traffic lights or cashier lanes.
You see, all kinds of bullying happens everywhere, if you are alert. Bullying isn’t just about physical scars.
Bullying others can be as simple as staying put, like at the playground, when you refuse to vacate your swing for others.
One day, if all forms of bullying become punishable, most of us (young and old) we will discover that all of us have been guilty at some point in our lives.