Following in mum’s footsteps

Our reader reminisces about the way her mother brought her up, and how it affects her own parenting.

I USED to be a rebellious kid, especially in my teenage years. I had no idea about the heartaches or sufferings my mother went through. Now, having two teenage girls of my own, I can understand what my amma faced back in the 1990s.

Though I was against some of the ways my amma used to discipline me, eventually I did the same with my girls. Mostly I discipline my elder daughter, who has the same characteristics and mannerisms as me when I was a teenager.

Looking at my daughter TC (not her real name) at times takes me down memory lane. The only difference is I never raised my voice at my parents when I was younger. I would show my dissatisfaction and anger by not talking to my amma, who was the decisionmaker at home. I used to think she ruined all my outings with my friends because she seldom allowed me to join them. I used to envy my friends whose parents gave them good allowances and bought them branded clothing (anything bought at Globe Silk Store was considered branded then).

I regret that now, knowing how much she sacrificed for me and my siblings. She worked as a kindergarten teacher and gave tuition part-time to put food on the table, buy the household necessities and pay for our tuition classes, etc. No matter how difficult times were, she never forgot to celebrate our 16th and 21st birthdays, throw us graduation parties, and so on.

I’ve realised her strictness was for our own good. Today, all three of us are successful in our careers and family life. Although we can spend lavishly with our sound incomes, we always bear in mind our mother’s thriftiness and we try our best to follow in her footsteps.

I always mention my amma’s sacrifices to my children and how she brought all three of us up with limited entertainment, treats, branded clothing and shoes, and handphones (I bought my first handphone at the age of 21). My kids get double or triple all those things, and go on overseas vacations once or twice a year. I’m happy my husband and

I can afford these things but I want my kids to appreciate what we provide for them.

I use positive reinforcement by rewarding my girls to improve their behaviour. I want my kids to also know the difficulties of not having something they really want because they simply don’t deserve it at times.

I’m not sure if my parenting style is the best but I want my girls to realise that my strictness and conditions are for their best. One day when they become mothers themselves, they may understand this.