Living in the moment
Through heartfelt verses, young Sabah poet phedora Lynn describes her malaysian experience.
PHEDORA Lynn’s second collection of poetry, titled Peonies Into Sambal, is a more personal and calmer look at young adulthood. This comes almost four years after #Sh **** Poetry – yes, that is what her first poetry collection is called – which she wrote as a brokenhearted 21-year-old after a longterm romance ended, under her then-pen name Nori Ryoko.
“It was a really painful and confusing time, and as a means to cope with the pain, I just started writing one day. It developed into an everyday habit and I decided to share my writing online. I never expected that my work would resonate with so many people and it inspired me to come out with my first book,” says Phedora.
Peonies Into Sambal isn’t afraid to be contemplative and vulnerable.
“After the first book, I wanted to understand who I was as a writer, who I am in this country and where I will go from here. Peonies Into Sambal shows the newfound confidence in myself and in what I am passionate about – writing. This collection was inspired by my journey as a Malaysian of Kadazan and Chinese descent navigating adulthood. With each poem I write, I dive deep into my childhood, upbringing and identity and how that correlates with my understanding of the relationships around me,” says the 25-year-old.
Known in the poetry and writing scene as simply Phedora (@ phes.poetry on Instagram), she occasionally performs at open mic events. You might have seen her at places like Jack It!, Jalan Dalam, Onde-onde Open Mic, If Walls Could Talk and the 2018 George Town Literary Festival.
Most of her favourite poets are Malaysian and they include Sheena Baharudin, Melizarani T. Selva, Jack Malik, Chloe Ling, Pavithrah Sambu, Umar Aziz, Kimchi Lai, Aliff Awan, Swit Marie and Love J.
“When I went to my first open mic a few years ago, I had no clue what to expect. I signed up and went on stage to read my poems and promote my book. It was my first time reading my poetry to a live audience, I can still remember the anxiety and fear. It was a truly nerve-racking experience, and though my voice was shaking during the whole reading, I managed to get through it, and that really propelled me to keep practicing and keep going,” she shares.
It inspired her to organise a university open mic event to give students a platform for their art.
Peonies Into Sambal, like her first poetry collection, is self-published. The illustrations inside are done by Adlin Farhana (@adlinfarhana on Instagram). Aptly underscoring its more mature perspective, its title is a reference to how good things need love, time and care to blossom into their full potential.
The peony is a close friend’s favourite flower, and to Phedora, it represents elegance, patience and resilience.
“I wanted ‘peonies’ to be in the title as this flower also signifies the importance of friendships and bonds with loved ones. ‘Sambal’ is there because I really love nasi lemak and it is a necessity for every nasi lemak out there. The essence of nasi lemak would not exist without it.
“It represents the relationships around me and how the very act of cooking sambal is the same as cooking anything – in order to improve and be better you need someone to taste your cooking and tell you whether it is good or bad. When I tried making sambal for the first time when I was 15, it was terribly sour and undercooked. My family had to taste my sambal a million times before I knew how to cook it well. Today I can proudly say that my sambal is quite delicious, but only because people around me have guided me. Sambal is the essential human experience. Without the relationships around me, and without the desire to learn, I simply would not be. Hence, Peonies Into Sambal means time is needed for growth and acceptance,” she says.
Every piece included in this collection is personal to her, as she has imbued her stories and experiences in them.
But she notes that the intention of a poem can be flexible and the message received is to each their own.
“I always had a thing for poetry but what really got me started was the desire to express romance in the form of a poem. However as I grow older, I realise I really like how poetry can be used as a hidden message of sorts, or an emphasis to an experience where a few lines can enclose a secret message or even intensify the feelings in the moment. I just really enjoy the way poetry can be as vague as I want it to be or as descriptive as I intend it to be and readers get to experience it in their own way and perspective. The beauty of poetry is that the readers are ultimately the final stanza to the poem as they interpret it in their own ways,” she says.
Born in Sandakan, Sabah and raised in Labuan and Kuala Lumpur, Phedora’s decision to launch her new book on Malaysia Day is a nod to her roots and mixed heritage.
“Without the formation of Malaysia, my Pa and Ma might never have met and there would not be me. I am a Malaysian because of Sept 16. Although I have never grown up entirely in Sabah, my family has never excluded our culture in our lives. “My grandma always adjusted the Baju Kadazan Penampang on me and I flaunted it on National Day at school. When my grandma visited us, she brought sagu and bambangan. We were taught how to make tapai and hinava. So I guess being a Sabahan to me, today, means that I continue to practice the traditions passed down to me by my grandma. I have come to learn that ‘home’ to me, is not a geographical location. It is wherever my family is,” she concludes.