Mothers are not angels
“MUM, you are not an angel.” A surprise comment by an adult child, looking down at a wrinkled, bent, septuagenarian mother caught me unawares.
It was not my mission to be an “angel”. I never asked to be put on a pedestal. As a mother, I am just another flawed human being.
That was an epiphany. It sent me into deep introspection about what motherhood at its core is all about.
Mothers are mere mortals who struggle with their own challenges. The idea of a perfect mother is a figment of the imagination.
Mothers need to let go of feelings of inadequacy while attempting to be the perfect parent. I am left pondering if such perfection even exists! Being a mother is just one of the many roles women play.
On hindsight, children have brought a lot of joy and vibrancy into my life. Thankfully, I have not been limited to just raising children, and the role of a mother alone does not define me. Many mothers have made their children the sole priority in their lives. It’s only when the empty nest syndrome sinks in that they begin to question themselves about their own unfulfilled dreams. Sadly, oftentimes many mothers put children ahead of their spouse or partner, and rebuilding a relationship with them (who incidentally have struggles with anger, resentment, feeling unloved, etc) is challenging and not often a successful mission.
Women have evolved. I unapologetically admit that I refused to make motherhood and raising children my only mission in life. Had I done that, I would have missed out on leading a full, vibrant life outside motherhood.
As a parent, I nurtured and guided my children, and then lovingly set them free to live their own lives.
Being “helicopter parents” was not our forte. Since our children left home for undergraduate courses at a young age, we empowered and trusted them to make their own decisions and take responsibility for them. We were aware of our limitations due to the geographical distance. Yet, I hope our children had a sense of safety, and that the pervasive sense of peace at home and that no child was loved any less gave them a sense of belonging into their adult years.
The hardest thing for a parent to do is letting go. It
is a very daunting experience. It does not signify abandoning children or erecting walls between them. My dear children, your parents have been nurtured by you as well. Along the journey, we have made mistakes for which we seek redress. It has been an exciting, interesting, emotional and at times a messy journey with unexpected
twists and turns along the way! You are all children of the world now. I strongly believe that in letting go, we will find a path of deeper and more fulfilling relationships.
You, my dear children, have greater challenges in life ahead of you. Be assured I will find my own source of joy and happiness, and fill the partial emptiness with nostalgic memories of our intertwined lives in this lifetime.
Even though we have been separated by oceans for over three decades, you will always remain in my heart. My prayer each day is for you and your family to be well and safe. Parents and children need to accept one another without guilt or blame. This will make letting go an act of compassion.
I am your mum. I do not consider you as my friend – which calls for an overdose of restraint and a large ladle of respect. I have stumbled many a time. I may not have been an “awesome” mum. But I have been blessed with numerous awesome moments parenting my children. In a small way, if you could celebrate my journey as a mother, that would make my day.
Into my twilight years, I want to become an angel...
I want to grow wings, hovering over you as your guardian angel
I want to nurture you through my thoughts
I want to give you a cup of hot tea when you feel cold and down
I want to wipe your tears with an unseen hand
As you go forth on your personal journey, enjoy the view along the way!
One day, when you look skywards, you may see a faint silhouette, sending you her love and blessings. By then, I will be out of reach.