Live life before the curtain comes down
A MOTLEY group of six senior ladies got together after a long period of hibernating due to home confinement. Thanks to our wonderful host who prodded some reluctant friends to join.
Here we were, seated around a table laid out with tempting goodies to feed seniors with shrunk appetites.
Sagging jowls, distended bellies, additional wrinkles etc were of little significance in our company of gratifying relationships among women. Nothing beats conversations with girlfriends who can understand and relate to us. Women, generally being more emotionally driven, thrive on strong relationships with our girlfriends.
There is wisdom in choosing our small circle with intent. It gives us an avenue to grow, from conversations with them. It is unlikely that we can develop such bonds within our inner family circle. At some point, when relationships sway, confidentiality issues may lead to grievances.
We are from Venus – logic plays a less significant role in our lives. Don’t we love to bicker about our spouses (whom we may love to bits!) or cringe about our mother-inlaw’s defence of her unruly son? We don’t even spare our own mothers on her idiosyncrasies when she develops dementia. This is not necessarily in bad faith.
Yet, as we learn coping mechanisms on dealing with changing family dynamics, we need an outlet to share our problems, thoughts and feelings. Our emotional and mental strength comes with deep bonds with other women our lives.
As we share our trials and tribulations with them, we begin to mirror their thoughts and beliefs. While we struggle with our own challenges, we also help pull women through their own issues.
We all need a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. Above all, we need people to boost our self-esteem and be non-judgmental. Distance and frequency of meeting is not a deterrent in maintaining such relationships. However, nothing beats an in-person gathering and chatting till the cows come home.
Our female circle is the very backbone of our lives. It is among this circle that we share intimate family details, our innermost fears and to some extent validate one another.
It is in this bonding that there is freedom to express “what they do not want to hear”. This is all done in good faith, with no malice. In order to keep these gratifying relationships intact, clear boundaries have to be drawn. Primarily, we do not pry or demand to know all the details of each other’s lives. A part of an individual’s life belongs exclusively to them and needs to be guarded.
“I am scared of death and what happens after death,” said one senior.
Just then, a chirpy lady pinched her and humorously replied, “You will not even feel my pinch!”
Often, “death” is a word whose mere utterance can hush conversations. But with age, we become more comfortable with our mortal nature. After all, death is just a brief occurrence at the end of having lived a full life.
Another grumbled about her hubby. Yet, she found solace as “he is always there when it matters most. So that should count for something”. Wise lady!
As we contemplated on our remaining years, the discussion veered towards living life to the fullest vs cruising along aimlessly till we go six feet under or are devoured by flames. Do we dwell on the future and miss the buzz and excitement of life in the present?
Many are dealing with emotional baggage and physical frailties which need to be taken care of. Our lives and minds have become warehouses of clutter and are crying to be spruced up. We neglect emotional decluttering of our minds – it may be for fear of disturbing a hornet’s nest which lies buried deep in our minds. Do we secretly preserve those memories out of our own selfish motives? When faced with challenges, we tend to find a scapegoat and tap into this memory bank.
There is an urgency for seniors to do personal spring-cleaning for our own health and well-being. It’s time to sweep away our feelings of negativity and retain only treasures which serve us positively. The longer we hold on to our negative emotions, the deeper we get mired into a downward spiral.
As mere mortals, we have erred several times. Let’s stop berating ourselves about the past, which is history. We can’t continue to be enslaved to the regrets we have. We had stars in our eyes and believed in “happily ever after” conjugal relationships. Luck has favoured some and they have been enveloped in warmth and love beyond their expectations. Some have been plunged into an abyss of broken promises. Many have opted to cruise along in life due to commitments.
Whatever has been an individual’s personal situation in life, the time is ripe to let go and move on. Step forward and embrace a new attitude. Our old habits will remain in cold storage and will resurface at unexpected times. We need to cut off the unwelcome intruder before it can damage us. Let us add life to our years before the curtain comes down.
Pray that the womenfolk in our life find power and strength in female friendships. The day will come when we will be erased from the earth. Till then, let us sing and dance, laugh and cry together. Above all, we refuse to curl up, waiting for the exit date.