C-ing things differently
Surviving cancer makes you reflect on your life and changes your perspective forever.
It took years before I could put it into perspective. Even though it has been so many years, there is still the fear of recurrence.
— ADELINE JOSEPH
NOT many of us fully internalise the fact that we are going to die one day. Sure, we all know that one day our lives will end, but most of the time this is “theoretical” knowledge – it doesn’t really impact the way we live our daily lives.
But once you survive a close brush with the Grim Reaper, you really truly realise that one day you will die and leave this mortal coil.
And it usually gives you a whole different perspective on life – a change that cancer survivors know well.
Loving support
Ishak Nengah, 58, has always been a positive person, and it was this positive attitude that carried him through his diagnosis and treatment for stage 3 nasopharyngeal cancer two years ago.
“It was one of the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced. You always hear of it happening to other people, your friends, but you never think it will happen to you,” he says.
But, he adds: “How I feel (about it) is a matter of choice. Through my exposure, my upbringing, the people I’ve met – I believe in being positive no matter what.
“As a believer in God, you accept what comes your way.”
He was also encouraged by the fact that he knew people with the same type of cancer who had recovered from it.
Being a natural people person, support from his loved ones was essential. “For me, it’s very important for anyone facing something as serious as this – a life-threatening thing – to have support from your loved ones – my wife, my father, my sons, my friends.”
Aside from his family members accompanying him everyday for his chemotherapy and radiotherapy, his friends encouraged him greatly through sending best wishes, prayers, transmitting positive thoughts and visits.
“Some friends who’ve gone through it say to avoid having too many people visiting you as your immune system is down, but I really enjoy having friends around.
“Even though I had to keep repeating the whole story, but it was also a way of releasing stress,” he says.
In fact, Ishak, and his wife Aishah Ali, were so touched by the efforts of all their friends – including long-lost ones who heard about his condition and came especially to visit him – that one of their new priorities in life is to reconnect with their older friends, whom they might have lost touch with over the years.
While Ishak believes that having cancer hasn’t really changed him, he says that he does live life more by the day now. “I enjoy life; I breath the air,” he says, with a smile.
He adds that he is also fortunate to be doing what he enjoys the most – being an emcee (Master of Ceremonies). “When you’re doing what you love, it’s not a job. So that’s what I want to continue doing as long as I can,” he says.
However, Ishak now wants to go one step further, and share his experience and skills with others. Something, he jokingly adds, ties up with his desire to go to Heaven.
Although he has previously done training in emceeing and managing media interviews on an ad-hoc basis, he now wants to devote more of his time to this area. “I’d be very happy if I can teach people the things I do, so that other people can benefit from my experience.”
So, while previously he would wait for training requests to come his way, now he intends to actively offer it to those he thinks will benefit from it. And in between that, he hopes to improve his golf game, and perhaps score that elusive hole-inone.
Finding inner strength
It may have been 17 years since Adeline Joseph, 51, beat her breast cancer, but the illness still affects her life today. A large part of it is because she has been working with the National Cancer Society Malaysia (NCSM) for over 20 years.
As the current head of the society’s Resource and Wellness Centre, she is in charge of managing education and counselling programmes for cancer patients and their carers, as well as the centre’s support groups.
As a cancer survivor herself, she is also a member of Pink Unity – the support group for female cancer survivors.
Even though she has been cancer-free for almost two decades, she says that the fear of the disease recurring never quite goes away.
When she was initially diagnosed with breast cancer, “the fear of death was very predominant in my mind, even though the doctor assured me that it was at the early stages and could be treated”. This was despite the fact that as a then-frontliner in the NCSM’S clinic, she had more exposure and knowledge about cancer than the average person.
She explains: “Over the course of working, I had met a few ladies who were cancer survivors, and they looked normal, acted normal, had a good career, were leading normal lives.
“So it sort of gave me a good outlook on cancer (that you can beat it), but you can never be prepared for cancer. You fear death.”
She adds: “It took years before I cou into perspective. Even though it has b years, there is still the fear of recurren ask yourself, am I taking care of mysel doing the right things? Eating the righ
Having the disease also made her a itual person, and resulted in her Catho becoming a more prayerful one. She c having cancer as a blessing in disguise now able to share, empathise and help similar situations much better.
Being a long-time cancer survivor a ups and downs. She shares that somet who have had a relapse of their cance half-jokingly, what is her secret? But f losing these friends to their battle wit ease.
“You feel so helpless,” she says, add
uld put it been so many nce. You still elf? Am I ht things?” more spirolic family considers e as she is p others in also has its etimes friends er ask her far worse is th the disding that sometimes, after losing a friend, the support group members all come in to the centre and just have a good cry, to mourn their friend and to release some of their own fear of their cancer recurring.
But surviving cancer also makes one a stronger person, she says.
“A lot of us find our inner strength when we face all the difficulties, like coping with chemo(therapy) and radiotherapy side effects.
“A lot of us, after our cancer journey, can face a lot of things that come our way. We cope better with other crises.”
Learning to have fun
Getting cancer nine years ago was a turning point in the life of retired civil servant Zainah Ismail, 60. Up to then, she had been living the life of a typical modern career woman – focusing almost solely on her family and her work. Life was too busy for other relationships or even just relaxing.
“I used to be a perfectionist. Even if I was tired when I came home, I had to clean the floor everyday; my garden had to be perfect,” she shares.
Then, she was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. It was a devastating experience. The period between being diagnosed and getting a second opinion was, in particular, “a hell week for me”.
But throughout her hospitalisation and treatment period, she came to realise how important the support and presence of friends and family was. While the pillar of her strength was her husband, Zainah shares that, “You never know how good your friends are until you are sick.”
In her one month of hospitalisation after her operation, not a single day went by without a visitor dropping by, and many friends constantly called and sms-ed her encouraging words. Some even brought inspiring books, magazines, and even a television, to keep her entertained.
She says: “Previously, I didn’t put much emphasis on relationships. I was more focused on my work and career – doing a good job, getting promotions, etc.”
But now, she shares that she wants to be a good friend and makes a real effort to keep in touch with all her friends. Zainah has also learnt to relax more, and just have fun.
As a Pink Unity member, she shares that the support group plays a big role in her life. “I wouldn’t be what I am today without the support group.
“They give me strength, and I feel the bonds between us are very strong because we have gone through the same journey, the same suffering. And we share the same hope that one day we will be completely well.
“And then, we have fun – we go out for ladies’ night, we have so many activities that we organise and join in; the group has really added so much fun in my life.”
She also wants to reach out and help other cancer patients, which is why she volunteers as an NCSM peer counsellor. “My outlook is different now – I see life from my heart, and when I help others, I feel really happy, compared to previously, when I was more self-centred and focused on my career.”
She adds: “When I got cancer, I reflected on the past 50 years of my life.
“My (first) 50 years of existence compared to the nine years since cancer ... I feel like I’ve really lived my life during these nine years.”