The best gift
To mark her birthday recently, our columnist put into practice the ‘give and take’ policy.
IT was a sunny morning. I tuned in to Capital FM radio while on my way to send Maya to school. There was this woman (whose name unfortunately I didn’t catch) talking about a theory she calls “Give and take”.
She loves to help people and is always giving to the needy, but when offered something, she refuses. One day, someone told her that she must also learn how to accept gifts, because the rejection may hurt the giver.
This is so true, isn’t it? I’m the same. I feel happiest when someone accepts my gift, but am shy when I’m at the receiving end. To be honest, I never thought of the feelings of the person whom I reject. But the woman on the radio has changed my mind, and I’m now a big fan of the give and take philosophy.
I applied it at my recent birthday. Normally, I will tell my friends not to buy me presents. But, this time, instead of denying them the pleasure of giving, I asked if they could pool their money for charitable causes. And they did!
Our first giving mission was a fun accessories-making session with young victims at the Human Trafficking Protection Home for Children. I had conducted a similar session at the home last year, and knew how the girls loved it. This time, we had a much smaller group of eight teenagers (aged 14 to 16), six babies and two mothers, plus the staff and us. But I knew I still needed help and managed to rope in a group of angels – Low Ngai Yuen, her eight-year-old daughter Zi-enn, Carmen Soo, my sister Susan Looi, Yvonne Ng, Stephanie Chik and Cecil, from Suka Society. I also managed to get Nando’s to sponsor lunch.
The girls were happy to see us arrive with a box full of bling – charms, beads and materials for them to make their own accessories, and also some crystallised iron-on alphabets and motifs to decorate the Mell Basics organict-shirts I’d brought from my collection. After an ice-breaking session conducted by Low, we made bracelets, necklaces and earrings. I must say, the girls were super-talented and creative. Zi-enn was a great help – she showed everybody how to mix and match the beads and demonstrated how to use the tools. It was good to see her getting involve in charity work, and understand the concept of giving and sharing.
Nando’s was also a hit. For many of the girls, it was their first taste of the yummy peri peri chicken, salad, potato wedges and Mediterranean rice. Other than tantalise their taste buds, the lunch helped to fuel more creativity. It was a beautiful day with happy faces. At the end, everybody sang me a birthday song. I felt lucky. It’s the best present to see everyone happy.
With the amount of ang pow I received for my birthday, I managed to buy one car full of rice, Milo, noodles, sugar, oil, milk powder and soap to send to two refugee homes. It was a wonderful feeling to give and see the smiling faces when they received the items. Thanks a million to my friends who gave me the chance to brighten someone’s life.
My birthday also happened to fall the same week as International Women’s Day. Low, who is the spokesperson of this meaningful campaign in Malaysia, invited me to become a mentor and to speak on the last day of the 10-day event which began on March 8.
The theme this year was Women:girls’ INSPIRE.NOW, and included a “Be My Mentor” programme, under which five lucky girls were paired with a mentor to personally guide them throughout a 10-hour per month programme (it’s up to the mentor and mentee on how they would like to spread their 10 hours programme in one month).
The programme also includes 10 guerrilla outreach activities to inspire women and girls everywhere, in the form of sharing sessions with students, tweetups to leave random inspirational messages everywhere, free food in exchange for inspirational notes and more.
Low said: “We believe in becoming better persons through small actions, in whatever capacity, to reach out so that this can be a better world. Of course, the team is completely worn out by all the activities in the campaign, but I know they’ve been very much humbled along the way as well.
“Sometimes, we need to be reminded why we need to work so hard if not harder – we are so blessed so we need to give, give and give!”
Actually, Low and I are very similar, and many people think we are sisters. We don’t just look alike but have similar personalities and mission. We both love to give!
But when she asked me to be a speaker, I was like “No!” I could never give a speech in public. I’ve never been trained to do so, and I get very nervous when I hear myself on a microphone. But I decided to be brave and accept the challenge. I was emboldened by the fact that I had just gotten myself an English teacher to improve my public speaking and prepared myself to face international press.
My teacher is none other than actress Susan Lankester, whom Asha Gill introduced to me when I told her I needed to learn to speak like her (ha! ha!). My topic was “Life Changes”, in which I related my life’s journey from being a schoolgirl, daughter, female boss, wife and mother.
Through the speech, I hoped to inspire some of the women present. Thanks to Lankester, with whom I rehearsed the speech countless times, it went
Try to give when you can, and take when it’s your turn!
— MELINDA LOOI
well. Not only was the speech a success but I’ve managed to conquer a fear. It’s liberating to know that I can make public speeches if I want. I’m so glad I did it.
Apart from all these giving missions, for two months I was also busy taking my kids to see doctors to treat their viral infections. Then Lankester introduced me to an acupuncturist, Miss Ju, who did wonders with Max and Mika.
Max, who is asthmatic, had a “cupping” therapy to remove his body heat and toxins, and then had reflexology on his second visit. I was so impressed by Miss Ju that I myself started acupuncture sessions with her for a better and healthier life, so that I can be fit for my work and family.
I was thanking my lucky stars for having met Miss Ju. I realised I wouldn’t have met her if not for Lankester, whom I wouldn’t have gotten to know if not for Asha.
I have made such wonderful friends throughout my life’s journey, beginning with Simonetta Mariano, a great teacher who inspired me to be who I am today. Is it fate? Yes. But it’s also part of being involved in life; and of both giving and receiving.
So try to GIVE when you can, and TAKE when it’s your turn!
Happy International Women’s Day to all the women out there, and also to men who will always love the women in their life.
Award-winning fashion designer Melinda Looi tries to marry consumerism and materialism with environmental consciousness, and believes her greatest creations are her children. Follow her on Facebook or write in to star2@thestar.com.my.