When going Dutch is the best thing to do
A FRIEND once lamented to me that life in retirement was a lot duller. He said he missed the camaraderie he enjoyed with his colleagues especially when they went for lunch. They would carpool to the nearby restaurant or mall and split the bill between them. To relive the good old times, he arranged with two former colleagues to have lunch. He settled the bill but no one paid him for their share. Thinking that they now preferred to take turns paying instead of sticking to their bill-splitting system, he let it be. To his disappointment, the same thing happened on their next two lunches together. He said he has stopped going out with them simply because he couldn’t afford it as he is now living just on his EPF savings.
My friend’s grouse somewhat resonated with me. When I was in the civil service, I was an active table tennis player. After I retired, I could no longer play at the office and I joined a small group of table tennis players upon the recommendation of another friend.
Over the years, I forged a bond of friendship with the group and I invited them to lunch with me. I also treated them to buffet lunch twice. Sadly, they never reciprocated my lunch invitations. Surely it couldn’t be due to financial constraints as one of them was a professional and two were successful businessmen and were far better off than me.
I remember watching a Chinese TV drama series called AA System some years ago. It was about a newlywed couple in China who chose to run their household by going Dutch. This sounds amusing but not totally incomprehensible.
From time immemorial, men were the sole breadwinner in the family but it is not so now. With gender equality, women now draw the same pay as their male counterparts. Many of them are world leaders or hold top posts in the public and private sectors.
Nevertheless, it’s hardly likely for today’s woman and her husband to practise the “AA System” because their relationship would be more about give and take.
It goes without saying that it’s our duty as host to entertain friends who pay us a visit. But for friends whom we wish to meet often, as in the case of my retiree friend and my ping-pong teammates, the happy gathering could have continued if the “AA System” was in place.
Besides celebrating a special occasion, there are also other instances we wouldn’t consider going Dutch. For example, when we have lunch with close family friends, we never let them foot the bill because we feel that we’re more financially blessed. But they pay us back in other ways.
Recently, I met up with my former colleagues, Wong and Sam, for lunch. Wong and I had earlier decided not to let Sam pay as she had to travel from the mainland. But when I settled the bill, she insisted on paying her share. She reasoned that this was the only way to keep meeting often. “And we don’t have to remember whose turn it is to pay each time we meet, right?” Sam fully demonstrated the spirit of the “AA System”.
STEVEN CHAI Penang