Let’s hear it for the boys
WE live in a special time, when we are fortunate enough to see fathers rising to the challenge of being better dads, modern parents, free from the stereotypes of yesteryear and more interested in making genuine connections with their sons and daughters.
Every now and again, you’ll chance upon a YouTube video or a Facebook post that will warm the cockles of your heart – a dad doing something whimsical for his child like braiding her hair ( https://youtu.be/Xa-91Xm5MLc) or joining a troupe of tutu clad ballerinas on stage because his little one has stage fright ( https://youtu.be/lkglkzyFUq4) – and you think to yourself, wow, some fathers have come a long way.
These videos went viral soon after they were posted, lending support to the notion that today’s generation appreciates fathers who are embracing the caregiving role.
Gone are the days when dads were the stoic, aggressive, stern authoritarians of hearth and home.
Father, the disciplinarian who would whack your behind if you’d done something wrong. Father, the banker who you’d have to plead with for some extra pocket money. Father, judge and jury who had the final word on everything – from what you could watch on TV to whom you would eventually marry.
There has been a welcome generational shift in thinking about the role of fathers, and communities the world over are graciously opening their hearts to this.
Millennial parenting is more about being able to choose what sort of parent you want to be. A father who holds down a full-time job, but chips in with the laundry; the stay-home dad who takes care of the household while his spouse earns a living; the husband-wife power duo that divvies up duties equally so both spouses are able to pursue their passions as well as take care of the family.
It’s heartening that today, we have both men and women defying stereotypes – dads who are fashion designers, dancers and chefs, and mums who are mathematicians, pilots and football coaches. Children, after all, learn from those around them about the roles men and women play, and what better way to realise that there is nothing intrinsic about masculine and feminine roles than from the diversity of mums and dads around us.
Yet, though we have come a long way, there is still further to go. If fathers are to be recognised by society as equal partners in family life, they will need much more support from society at large.
Women have been evolving for a long while now, and much of the focus has been on them – battling misogyny and body shaming, fighting for gender equality, birth control, to be able to breastfeed in public, breaking the glass ceiling, advocating for better maternity benefits ... the list goes on and on.
The conversation now needs to include men. We cannot expect a better world if our men, our fathers, are not supported for change as well. They are no longer the sole breadwinner, but instead have become more and more involved in the caregiving aspect of their families despite outdated views on spousal support, paternity leave and diaper changing facilities (designed with mums in mind).
How can we better support dads? How is the work environment conducive to men being good fathers? How are we as parents raising our boys? The constant discussion, debate and evolution that has been ongoing for girls and women must now include boys and men.
It is important we create opportunities and environments where both girls and boys can thrive. Where mums and dads are able to fulfil parenting responsibilities successfully, so that they set an example for our children about human sexuality, gender identity and equality.
What better time than Fathers’ Day to dwell on how far we’ve come, and to pave the road ahead for stable, happy families.