Widows aim to break taboo
Sherpa women eye Mt Everest peak to prove there’s life after death
KATHMANDU: Two Nepali Sherpa women hope to conquer Mount Everest next month, finishing off the job their husbands started in a bid to empower fellow widows and prove there is life after death.
In a conservative country which elevates men over women, widowhood can confine a bereaved wife to an even lower life of hostility, discrimination and outright abuse.
So the two women hope that by scaling the world’s highest mountain, they can upturn perceptions about a widow’s worth and complete the unfinished ascent of their husbands, who died working as guides for foreign mountaineers.
“I felt like I lost everything when he died. I couldn’t think or function,” said Furdiki Sherpa.
With a photo of her late husband alongside, she sifted through a giant duffel bag crammed with climbing gear, from crampons to ropes.
It was while fixing ropes for his clients that her husband died on the 8,850m mountain in April 2013.
A year later, Nima Doma Sherpa’s husband was killed in an avalanche near the base camp.
The grief of losing a partner – let alone the sole breadwinner and father to their children – was further compounded, they said, by the social stigma of being a widow.
“If I hang out with my friends, especially men, that’s a problem. If I try to have fun, that’s a problem. If I ride pillion, that’s a problem ... neighbours take photos, call me immoral and try to shame me,” said Furdiki, a 43-year-old mother of three.
“The taboo is very much alive. Many people still think we should be confined to our homes, restrict ourselves to household work. That is just wrong,” said Nima Doma, 35.
Widows in South Asia are generally expected to mourn until the end of their lives, renouncing colourful clothes, jewellery, rich and spicy food and even festivals as they are deemed inauspicious, say women’s rights experts.
The Loomba Foundation, a widows’ rights charity, says widows in developing countries are often disinherited, enslaved or evicted by their in-laws, accused of witchcraft or forced into abusive sexual rituals.
Tired of conforming, Furdiki and Nima Doma – who like most Sherpa, go by their first name – decided to fight back after they met at an event in the capital Kathmandu in 2017.
“We realised we are not alone, all of us are facing these things. We thought: ‘Why not break this tradition of mistreatment ... and change things? What’s wrong if we step out and live life?’” said Nima Doma.
That meeting paved the way for their “Two Widow Expedition”.
“We decided that our slogan would be ‘We can do it too’ to tell people that widows can do anything,” said Nima Doma.
The women are not related but belong to the Himalayan ethnic group of Sherpas, who are renowned for endurance and an ability to operate at high altitudes.
Many Sherpa women have been widowed by Everest, with nearly 100 Sherpas dying since 1900, according to the Himalayan Database.
Furdiki and Nima Doma were expected to reach the Everest base camp by April 22, from where they will begin their ascent into a predominantly male domain.
Attempting their dream was an uphill battle with no steady income, zero climbing experience and deep family reluctance. For six months, they travelled Nepal to raise over US$40,000 (RM165,210) to get rigorous mountaineering training.
After their descent, they plan to launch a charity to raise funds and help widows learn new skills.
“If I can empower widows through this expedition somehow, I think my husband’s soul will rest in peace,” said Nima Doma.