Why we get angry
Anger is a social emotion that is a reaction to physical or emotional pain.
MY husband is very bad-tempered. He gets angry easily over the slightest things. If I or the children make even a minor mistake, he blows up. As a result, we have to tiptoe around him. We don’t tell him things, and we try to cover our mistakes up before he comes home. He has never hit any of us. But I do not know how much longer I can tolerate this. Why do some people get angry more easily than others?
Anger is a natural response to pain that can be caused by physical or emotional means.
It is mostly an automatic response.
Please note that emotional pain can be every bit as “painful” as physical pain, and it will be perceived by your brain as such.
Your brain will also process this physical or emotional pain as being “unpleasant”.
(There are a small group of people who actually like feeling pain and will experience pain as being pleasurable, therefore, they will not feel pain as being unpleasant, but we will not talk about them here.)
Anger can also occur when you don’t feel well, or are rejected, threatened or experiencing loss.
Anger is called a secondhand emotion because it almost never occurs by itself.
It is usually triggered by another negative emotion that causes pain, or physical pain itself.
Please also note that physical pain itself is usually not enough to cause anger.
What usually triggers anger is when physical pain is combined with a triggering thought or emotion.
For example, you are walking around barefoot in your home and you step on a piece of broken glass.
You feel the physical pain, but you become angry because you had asked your son to clean up properly if he breaks something in the house and he had not done so.
Ah. I am beginning to get it. What sort of other thoughts can trigger this anger response?
Thoughts that can trigger anger include your own personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations or interpretations of certain situations, which make you think that someone is attempting (consciously or subconsciously) to hurt you.
Even bad memories of a traumatic event in your past can resurface and trigger anger under certain circumstances.
Here are some examples:
> You want that promotion at work, but you find that your colleague – whom you perceive to be not as good as you at work – is promoted instead.
> You are a stay-at-home mother and have spent all day cleaning and cooking for your family.
Then your husband comes home and immediately throws his dirty clothes on the floor – the very floor you had worked so hard to clean and keep clean the whole day.
> You have been set up on a blind date, and the other person not only does not show up, but also does not even have the decency to text and inform you.
> You are in one of Malaysia’s infamous rush hour traffic jams and have been stuck on a certain road for an hour already, plus you badly need to pee.
> Someone just knocked into your car, causing serious damage to its rear end.
> You were beaten by your parents during your childhood, and now, as you are walking down a street, you see a child being similarly
beaten. Your old memories resurface and you see red.
Are some people more quick to anger than others?
Yes.
And even the same person might be more quick to anger at certain periods in their lives.
When you were a child, you may have thrown temper tantrums when you could not get what you want.
If your parents indulged you and placated you by giving in to what you wanted all the time, then you would have quickly learnt than your tantrums (anger) would get you your desire.
When you grow up, you will very likely do the same thing when things do not go your way.
Therefore, the way you are brought up matters a lot when it comes to how you handle situations that make you angry when you are an adult.
You may also remember being rather hot-tempered when you were a teenager.
This is due to the sudden surge of hormones that come with puberty,
and the associated emotions that you have not yet learnt to process maturely at that age.
Similarly, when you were pregnant, you may also have felt badtempered and moody.
In these two situations, your temper is mostly due to hormonal changes.
Then there are some mental disorders that can make a person more prone to anger, compared to others.
If you have an antisocial personality disorder, you are more likely to become angry easily, as well as violent.
Is anger a “good” emotion to have?
Anger is a social emotion. There is always a target your anger is directed at.
Sometimes, that target may even be yourself!
(I assume you have felt angry with yourself from time to time for failing to spot or do certain things that you think you should have seen or done.)
Feelings of pain, combined with anger-triggering thoughts, can motivate
you to take action, face threats and defend yourself by striking out against the target you think is causing you pain.
It is perfectly normal and healthy to feel anger from time to time in response to certain situations.
Dr YLM graduated as a medical doctor, and has been writing for many years on various subjects such as medicine, health, computers and entertainment. For further information, email starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. Neither The Star nor the author gives any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to such information. The Star and the author disclaim all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.