Guiding light at home and in the community
Starmetro speaks to three mums about the vital roles they play
AMONG the most important life lessons that Norah Alias @ Mohd Zain wants to teach her nine children is the value of thriftiness.
“I am a big believer in this saying, ‘Cut your coat according to your cloth’. I feel it is important for young people to think of the consequences of overspending and how it can affect them in future. Youngsters who show off what they have are likely to end up in debt,” said Norah, who is from Kajang in Selangor.
The 53-year-old school canteen cook, whose children are now aged between 15 and 30, knows too well the struggles of raising a family.
In 2010, a year after giving birth to her youngest child, she divorced her husband due to irreconcilable differences.
“I struggled in my first few years as a single mother. Our household expenses were RM5,000 a month while my income from selling nasi lemak and cleaning houses was just a little over RM2,000.
“I was fortunate to receive monthly financial aid from Zakat Selangor to pay for house rental as well as the children’s school books and uniforms at the beginning of their school terms.
“This went on for five years until more of my children came
of age and found work,” said Norah.
It was discipline that saved her
nd from falling into debt, she recalled. Coming from a family of 15 siblings, Norah had a role model in her father.
To save money, she made her children pack food from home. Norah herself made it a point to cook every morning. Fussy and picky eaters were
not entertained.
“Of course they complained. But I told them they had to think of the future, even prepare themselves for more challenging times ahead.
“I also made them save their duit raya as well as to find ways to earn money for the things they wanted to buy. This included getting part-time jobs.
“When things got hard, I
reminded them life always had its ups and downs. The surest thing is diligence and if they wanted to do well, they must work to achieve their goals,” said the matriarch.
To keep everyone close, Norah makes it compulsory for her children along with her sonin-law and her two grandchildren to gather to celebrate their birthdays.
“Everyone chips in for the birthday feast. After that, we’ll have a family meeting where everyone gets the chance to voice their feelings, dissatisfaction and proposals like plans for family outings or balik kampung arrangements.
“The younger ones will get to learn from the experiences of their elder siblings,” she added.
As many of her children are now young adults, Norah wants to propose for everyone to set aside money for a family fund at the next birthday meet.
“I plan to ask everyone to contribute just RM10 a month. Once we have enough, we can talk about what to do with the money. It could be for family holidays or emergencies,” she said.
Norah is a regular participant of the empowerment workshops run by Wanita Berdaya Selangor (WBS), a subsidiary of Menteri Besar Incorporated (MBI). WBS was set up to implement programmes under the Selangor Women and Family Development standing committee.
Cyber mum
Alongside organising crocheting workshops and making knitted soft toys, Samantha Yeap, 53, considers herself a cyber parent.
Her older son Gordon Wong, 21, who is on the autism spectrum, is a Youtuber while his younger brother Malcolm, 18, is waiting for his SPM results.
Yeap, who is from Ipoh in Perak, started as a blogger herself in 2006.
Now she is encouraging Gordon to create online content as a way for him to earn an income. So far, Gordon’s channel has garnered two million views.
“Gordon started his Youtube channel in July 2020. Most of it was self-taught.
“I am the troubleshooter who mostly guides him on online security and how to handle cyberbullying and trolls in the comments section, which I block,” said Yeap.
She is also there to constantly remind him not to divulge his personal information, so that he does not fall prey to scammers.
“Gordon has yet to grasp how his content is being monetised, but I use his subscriber count as milestones for him to earn treats.
“His current target is to reach 5,000 subscribers. He only has 10 more to go. The next target will be 10,000. He is also rewarded when he gets paid, which is on a quarterly basis,” she elaborated.
Yeap, who became a single parent after her husband’s sudden death in 2019, is now Gordon’s sole caregiver.
In her opinion, patience is key to raising her children.
“Due to his condition, Gordon can be hard to reason with. So, I use certain tactics to distract him. For example, if he wants an orange and I don’t have any, I will say let’s have apples instead and talk to him about how to eat one,” she said.
“I usually make Gordon wait whenever he wants something; I do this intentionally so that he knows how to be patient,” said Yeap.
“With Gordon, there is no instant gratification. Being not used to this is an important component in his daily life as it helps him to calm down and slowly learn to accept situations,” she added.
As for Malcolm, Yeap will be giving him time to consider what he would like to pursue.
“At the moment, he has told me he is keen on teaching English, but that will depend on his SPM results,” she said.
Community mum
Former SS20 Rukun Tetangga (RT) chairman Eileen Thong, 78, sees herself as the matriarch of her Petaling Jaya neighbourhood.
While having three children of her own, Thong also served as a community leader from 1999 to 2019.
“Some of the residents here call me ‘mum’ or Por Por (meaning grandmother in Chinese),” she said.
Having served as RT chairman for two decades, Thong has seen children of young families grow and have families of their own.
“The then young mothers of SS20 are now grandmothers. It was always my vision to create a sense of family within the neighbourhood,” she said.
Thong said residents till today continued to confide and consult her for advice whenever there were neighbourhood disputes.
“They trust me with their secrets,” she added.
At home, Thong believes parents must also be a friend to their children.
“Because of my approach, my own children would tell me everything. This way, you know everything that is going on in their lives. That’s why I always encouraged their friends to come to the house. I also got to know their friends’ parents. This is so I will know who they are mixing with,” she said.
Thong is organising a Mothers Day event for all the mothers in the neighbourhood, at the basketball court in SS20/12 from 7.45am to 9.45am today.
“There will be line dancing, games and door gifts for mothers who have registered,” she said.
Her dearest wish is for a community hall in the neighbourhood.
“The most challenging part of organising any event, is the lack of a roof over our heads. This means if it rains, all our plans will come to nought.
“The SS20 RT has applied to Petaling Jaya City Council (MBPJ), our assemblyman and councillor for a community hall over many years now. Our dream is for the community hall to become a reality,” she said.
“I am a big believer in the saying ‘Cut your coat according to your cloth’. I feel it is important for young people to think of the consequences of overspending.”
Norah Alias @ Mohd Zain