Handling a sore loser

> Here are ways to deal with a child who acts badly in the face of defeat over a game or sport

IS YOUR child a sore loser? Whether it’s a sport or board game, as long as there is an element of competition, the sore loser will kick up a fuss and refuse to play.

As they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It might be that you don’t take defeat easily yourself.

If your child is used to seeing you lose your cool when you are beaten, he thinks that this is acceptable behaviour. That’s not true, you say. Okay, so you might be the model parent who wins the best parent in the universe award.

On top of that, you’re the epitome of gracious defeat. When you lose a game of badminton, you don’t scold your partner or deride your opponent.

You merely say: “Good game”, though inside you’re seething at having lost twice in a row.

During the Olympics season, you’ve pointed out to your child how the losers shake hands with the winners instead of stomping off the court.

That’s good sportsmanship, you told the kid.

Yet, the boy still throws a tantrum whenever he loses at Monopoly or a class quiz. What can you do then?

First, acknowledge his feelings of disappointment. Nobody likes to lose.

But tell him he could deal with the frustration in private later. But he shouldn’t yell at his friends or kick the cat.

Talk to your child when he is calm, not when he’s in the throes of a major tantrum or super sulk.

Focus on the pleasure of the game and competing against himself. Even when he loses, he can stay positive by focusing on the improvements he has made.

For instance, if he loses a badminton game at 15-21, it is definitely better than when he was thrashed 3-21.

On the other hand, if his game has deteriorated, he can use his failure as a motivation to spur him on.

Encourage him to try harder the next time. American football player Vince Lombardi said: “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”

Nobody wins all the time, not Lin Dan, not Michael Phelps.

During the latest Olympics, Super Dan lost to our Datuk Lee Chong Wei in the men’s singles badminton and the mighty Phelps was vanquished by Singaporean Joseph Schooling in the 100-metre butterfly.

Sally Sore Loser is a book I came across online. It’s written by psychologist Frank J. Sileo about Sally who loves to be the first at everything. She is first in line at school. She is first out the door at recess. She is first at dinner finishing her mac ‘n’ cheese!

Unfortunately, Sally dislikes losing and this can lead to hot tempers and hurt feelings. She even gets the nickname Sally Sore Loser from her classmates at school.

With the help of her teacher and mother, Sally learns the rules of being a good winner and a good loser. She learns to say to herself: “I’ve won if I had fun!”

It looks like a good book to teach good sportsmanship to young children. You may need it if your kids aren’t gracious losers.

I don’t need it already. No.3 who used to sulk and flip over Monopoly boards when he was young has learnt how to deal with the disappointment of losing.

When he plays badminton, he plays for fun and not to compete. That way, he doesn’t get mad if he loses.

Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of nine books, including the latest, Cow Sense for Young People. Send comments to lifestyle.lydia@thesundaily.com.