Family Teh Time

Fa long time I’ve been wanting to write about the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. I have constantly put it off because it’s a difficult subject to write.

But I recently stumbled upon something that just made everything click into place. It was a article written by a person writing under the pseudonym of Elizabeth Graham entitled The Other Woman: Your Inlaw.

She wrote: “Unconditional love comes naturally between a parent and child. But such a foundation isn’t there between in-laws.

“What mildly irritates a daughter might deeply wound a daughter-in-law (DIL). What only frustrates a mother can infuriate a mother-in-law (MIL).

“Because unconditional love doesn’t naturally exist between inlaws, it’s a decision that must be made and then acted on daily.”

The writer really hit the nail on the head. Let me illustrate:

Let’s say your mother tell you: “You should cook more often for the family, let them eat healthy food.”

Your response might be: “Yeah lah. I wish I could but I’m too busy.” Then you just let it slide.

Now if your MIL were to tell you those exact words, your response might still be the same but you feel as if a knife had plunged into your heart.

You think: “My MIL thinks I’m lazy and don’t care for my family.”

Then you seethe about it and complain to your husband.

Let’s look at the other side now. If you are a mother-inlaw, let’s say you visit your son’s house and find the place in a mess.

You gripe to your daughter-inlaw: “Your house is so messy. Why

Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of nine books, including the latest, Cow Sense for Young People. Send comments to lifestyle.lydia@ thesundaily.com.