Why stop at 48, FIFA?

YOU wonder why they stopped at 48. Why not bring the whole FIFA shebang of 211 countries, territories, micro-states, ski slopes and puffin feeding grounds to the 2026 World Cup party? It would dispense with all those tedious qualifiers at a stroke.

And if FIFA’S mathematicians can’t find a way to whittle them down to 32 before the next tournament rolls around in 2030, just have a lucky draw and a prize for everyone. For the good of the game, of course.

It is surely time to drop that sickening tagline and adopt something that fits the new populism. Indeed, with such huge participation, what could be more fitting than the Olympic mantra of “It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part”?

The latest and most outrageous distortion yet to what was once the pinnacle of the people’s game might suggest the lunatics are still in firm control of the asylum. And the eradication process begun by the FBI has succeeded only in producing inmates who are even more doolally than their predecessors. But are they?

Gianni Infantino was once a jovial MC of the Champions League draw over at UEFA; now, slipping seamlessly into Sepp Blatter’s shoes, it’s a case of ‘Meet the new boss, same as the old boss’.

The 48-team idea belongs to the same Blatter template. Harebrained yet cunning, seemingly radical and egalitarian but ensuring the power remains in the hands of a few. Crackpot yet bound to succeed. Worthy of the finest despots.

What is not to like for the Fifa money men? Another couple of billion dollars in the coffers and a guarantee of re-election. The gravy train steams on. The game? Who cares about that? FIFA certainly don’t. After Russia and Qatar, this will be the death knell of international football – that’s if it survives the next two horror shows. They still throw bananas at black players in Russia and managers still call them ‘things’. But that didn’t stop FIFA disbanding its antiracist ‘kick it out’ campaign, declaring the job done. And then there’s the state-sponsored cheating in other sports. Nor is the next host a dyed-in-the-fur football nation anyway – Russian top flight crowds are no bigger than League One in England. It does, though, represent a certain sanity compared to Qatar whose suitability would have had the Martians regretting not making a bid. As for the football itself, FIFA have never heard of ‘less is more’. Indeed, they would have had Gordon ‘Greed is Good’ Gecko crying “enough is enough”. Even for hard-core fans, the present 64-game finals can test the attention span; a 48-team finals will be 80 games. Infantino and gang are claiming this expansion is opening the exclusive doors to the hoi polloi while suggesting the new format will be a case of ‘the more the merrier’. They even mentioned romance. You don’t have to be a gnarled cynic to see it as a blatant vote-winner among the lesser football nations. Finals, in any walk of life, are about excellence, where the best go against the best. They are supposed to represent the peak of an endeavour – check the dictionary. By inviting inferior teams a decline of standards is inevitable and could be a lot worse than it sounds.

In fact, when the confederations have finished haggling over the new places, “finalists” are bound to include countries a lot lower than 48th in the world. Indeed, there won’t be any of the 211 who won’t fancy their chances in nine years time if a chunk of cash is pumped in and a bright new coach is hired. Book your seat now for Gibraltar vs Turks & Caicos Islands.

The dumbing down has been going on for years and has been in tandem with the tournament’s expansion. Many matches have been humdrum and recent finals have lacked the magic of the 70s and 80s, let alone those in black and white. This is not to advocate a closed shop but more has definitely not been merrier.

Nor has it gone unnoticed. The Champions League is where the best football is played and with huge question marks about the next two editions of the World Cup already, the 2016 format looks destined to confirm club football’s supremacy. Don’t be surprised at a breakaway from FIFA in the next decade.

Then there’s the absurdity of inviting countries, their entourages and fans to go around the world just to play two games.

The number of countries with the infrastructure to host such a mammoth jamboree will be reduced and we all know who they are. So much for making it a movable feast to be taken around the world.

Sponsors are also likely to be less impressed if what is on offer is second rate.

As for the game itself, three-team groups are a recipe for collusion and defensive tactics. And as Gecko said of lunch, draws are for wimps. They will be decided by penalties – even at the group stage.

Yes, alarm bells may ring for England but others, too, as lesser sides will put everyone behind the ball and try to nick it on pens. There will be more parked buses than at Pudu roundabout.

A personal wish is that Infantino returns to his old job of MC when it comes to making the draw.

The hope is that when he works his way through 16 pots, 48 balls and 48 bits of screwed-up paper, the sheer tedium will make him realise what he’s done – presided over the death of football’s greatest tournament.