Marching through the wasteland
MOST of us couldn’t be quick enough to leave 2016 behind and cross on over to the new year. With running shoes on, or maybe even rocket propellers, the rush to get it over with was bordering on a bizarre feverish dream. The closer it got, the more excrement hit the fan.
As you may recall, on the eve itself, hours away from having the ball drop, Mariah Carey found herself digging her manicured nails into her palms over the technical snag that made her the one final laughing stock of a year brimming with full-on face palm moments. So used was she to being a superstar diva with everything at her beck and call, that in the face of the mishap she just gave up. But then again, the blows of the year kind of made us all want to do just that. Unlike Carey though, we couldn’t just walk off the planet like she sashayed off the stage.
I’ll spare you the rest of the year’s recap because I know as much as you don’t want to remember any of it, the real world has already reserved you a seat to watch the consequences. Already I can assure you you’ll be seeing a second season of Carey’s reality show where she enlightens us all on how it’s like to be so high maintenance that everything needs to be done in a bedazzled attire and all beverages need be sipped with a straw because that’s what it is to be fabulous and not have to worry about rent.
Ah, if only a straw could draw out all the snafus of last year, from the threat of killer clowns to the scramble of social media users in notifying followers to turn on notification when Instagram announced a new timeline algorithm which of course was, unlike the panic caused by zika, all for naught.
We’re almost a full month in now and for the cynical, it’s just another day. The passing of time too slow to quickly erase the bitter taste of 2016’s many losses – be it the famous celebrities, the world’ respect for America (if there was any) or value of our currency.
I don’t mean to be a party pooper in hoping that 2017 will be the new leaf we are all critically trying to turn over. But the leaf may already be full of caterpillar holes and the warnings of doom will likely continue to grip headlines especially since come tomorrow Donald Trump will be inaugurated as the leader of the free world.
Unless of course the robots take over first, which seems like a better option. That will teach us to even consider “unplugging from technology” as a new year resolution that we never intended to keep anyway. Guess we’ll just have to continue trying to cope with political farces and wars by incessantly liking silly cat videos and swiping right on tinder.
After all, we have been warned of the threat of artificial intelligence (AI), by the likes of Stephen Hawking no less, on how it’ll likely one day supersede human intelligence after becoming dependent on a will of its own. Funny isn’t it how we’re afraid something we’ve created to be like us will indeed become like us but then we now expect them to turn against us. We think we have a good grip on emotions and yet we’re alarmed at what a sentient automaton will do with it.
Maybe we should just let the androids take over for a change since we’ve already seen what humans have done even with democracy and Earth is all a wasteland now. If Robocop is anything to go by, he not only managed to keep the peace despite his lumbering metal limbs but he was also able to command authority with his clipped speech. Heck, I think the cyborg even got the girl.
Perhaps he’ll make drinking with a straw mandatory to avoid short-circuiting (for robots and humans alike) so then we don’t have to think about making rent. Here’s to a brighter and more hopeful year ahead!
Afifah is a curious commoner who wouldn’t mind getting a drink with a robot. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com