The burden of choice

> Letting children express individuality is important, but for certain matters, the adult must decide

small doses by offering limited choices. Imagine you are at an ice-cream parlour that offers 20 flavours of which 10 are your favourites. Choosing just two would be a mighty difficult decision.

I came across a parenting blog where the mother proudly proclaimed that she allows her daughter to choose what to wear each day.

There is a photo of the girl, about three or four years old, wearing a dress over a Tshirt and pyjama pants, with two mismatched socks on each foot.

The only positive spin I can put on this is that the mother was able to live with her daughter’s eclectic choice of clothes.

Was she encouraging individuality and creativity? She probably thinks so. But the little girl didn’t know any better. It’s up to the mother to teach her what the right clothes are for each occasion. “You wear PJs to bed, not to school. You need to wear pairs of matching socks. If you want to be quirky and eccentric by wearing mismatched socks, do it when you’ve moved out of the house.” When offering choice of clothes to young ones, narrow it down for them. Otherwise, a tussle might ensue if you don’t agree with their selection. “The pink dress, or the white one?” or “This skirt, or that pair of shorts?” As the children grow, we can allow them to make more decisions. For instance, do they want to take calligraphy or chess for co-curricular activity in school? What chores do they prefer – dishwashing, or taking care of the laundry? Do they want their pocket money on a weekly or monthly basis? They must also live with the consequences of their choices. For example, if they take their pocket money at the beginning of each month and spends it all in three weeks, they won’t get a bailout from you.

Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of nine books, including the latest, Cow Sense for Young People. Send comments to lifestyle.lydia@ thesundaily.com.