Scarred for life

Victims of sexual assault recount horrific experience

PETALING JAYA: Sexual assault leaves a lasting impact on the victim. For many, the feeling of being violated, fear of reprisal and lack of empathy could last a lifetime. According to four victims of sexual assault who recounted their experience to theSun recently, it is the feeling of guilt that they were somehow responsible that compounds the pain.

Rape is not an uncommon criminal act. Police records show that from 2014 to 2019, a total of 9,489 cases were reported. That works out to more than four cases a day.

And that is not even counting cases of incest or those that have gone unreported. A 2019 survey by YouGov Omnibus revealed that 47% of rape victims in Malaysia never speak about their trauma.

Making light of such a serious offence, as a teacher did recently during a class on sex education, only worsens the pain for victims.

Nivisha, 25, survived a rape attack only to struggle for years with the nightmare. It was worse for her as the perpetrator was a friend, someone she thought she could trust.

“It happened so fast. One moment he was trying to unbutton my shirt and the next, he was forcing himself on me. The pain was unbearable,” she said.

The assault lasted 30 minutes, but for Nivisha, it was a lifetime.

He even had the impudence to ask to meet her family after the assault.

“I did not lodge a police report because I knew people would blame it on me. After all, I should have known better than to follow him into his room,” said Nivisha.

Another victim said she was only 15 when she was assaulted, and the perpetrator was “a friend of a friend”.

“It felt like a bad dream. It took a while for it to sink in, and when it did, I felt dirty and disgusted with myself,” she said.

“He even punched me in the eye when I (refused) to do as I was told.”

It took two years before she confided in her best friend, and slowly began to talk about her experience with other friends.

A third victim said she was “touched inappropriately” and lewd remarks were made about her physique.

“I was only a child at the time. It made me feel very uncomfortable and scared.

“Eventually, I started to dress differently, to hide my body. Even my personality changed,” said the victim, now aged 25.

Fortunately, her parents and friends were supportive and made sure she knew she was not alone in dealing with the ordeal.

“They comforted me, which honestly, was what I needed at the time.”

Another victim, Scarlett, 25, said her rapist was a 33-year-old friend she had met on an online dating site.

“We had known each other for five years and I felt comfortable with him. He would always try to get me drunk but I brushed it off as a joke because I was known as the ‘funny drunk’ in the group,” she said.

But a night of drinking at his apartment, also with a group of friends, changed everything.

“I woke up to find myself in his bedroom and him on top of me. It took me a year to process the fact that I had been raped.”

Scarlett kept it a secret until she broke down one day and recounted the experience to her partner.

“Fortunately, he was encouraging and understanding.”

Like many others, she has not reported the matter to the police.

“After all, who would believe the story of a drunk girl?” she said.

Like Nivisha and Scarlett, many victims of sexual assault never speak about their experience.

As the YouGov study showed, of those who eventually opened up, only 15% actually report it to the police. Another 54% do no go beyond recounting their horrific experience to a friend or family.