Beneath the mask

Is it just me or are anti-COVID masks becoming the latest must-have fashion accessory?

When the pandemic began maskor visor-wearing was kind of optional and high fashion face coverings completely absent. You wore either the bog-standard blue on one side, white on the other paper jobbie or a white linen item with little or no aspirations to haute couture. The visor was, and still is, just a piece of bent transparent plastic with no pretensions to, what might be called, style at all.

The other day in Valletta I saw a veritable panoply of masks in a rainbow of colours – some more garish than others – and in all shapes and sizes. One in particular I thought was rather clever.

It was worn by a 40-something bearded guy and what he had done was… to photograph the bottom part of his face, the part that would be covered by his beard and concealed beneath the mask, transfer this photo – lifesize – onto some kind of cloth, so that when he wore the thing it gave the appearance of his full face being visible, clever?! Personally I could never be bothered to go to such lengths, since every time I put on the mask I would have to do so in a mirror and frankly I simply couldn’t be arsed to go to those lengths.

I also noticed quite a few face coverings made out of floral prints. These were mostly, but not entirely, worn by ladies of the female persuasion. One mask that had somewhat crumpled writings on it intrigued me enough to actually approach the teenage girl wearing it and ask what the writings said. She frowned momentarily and then replied: “Can’t you see they are initials BLM for black lives matter.” Gosh so it’s even reached Malta. Very commendable I suppose, I wonder if, when she puts it on, she also “takes the knee”.

I didn’t actually see this one, but I heard from a very reliable source, that a young woman was seen in St Julian’s the other day clad in a face mask bearing the hologram of the pop singer Justin Bieber. I guess it’s a compromise for anyone who doesn’t fancy being marked for life by a tattoo of that gentleman on their back or bum.

But all this ingenuity and variety of masking got me thinking. We are told that these things will be part of our lives for the foreseeable future; so I reckon it won’t be too long before we see haute couture versions paraded on the world’s catwalks. Masks by Dolce & Gabbana, Donatella Versace or Jean Paul Gaultier… Oh really? I’ve just been informed that they already are!

As the super models sashay down the catwalk I can hear in my head the MC’s commentary: “And here we have Naomi sporting a nifty little off-the-nose number in a delicate shade of dog turd beige. And she is followed onto the catwalk by Cindy, wearing an all-embracing burka mask in crematorium ash grey. Note if you will, the vision grill and the floor length folds of material making this the ideal modesty mask for the Islamic wearer… or indeed the non-Islamic lady who couldn’t be bothered to put on a dress.”

Oh yes, I reckon the Coronavirus pandemic could open up a vast number of opportunities for high fashion designers the world over.