Killing off the over 60s

Not that I want to, you understand

But a very distinguished gerontologist, with the unlikely monicker Arnaldo Liechtenstein, has recently propounded a theory that deals with just that. The perceived wisdom would have it that many over 60 expire from major geriatric diseases like dementia, cancer, heart, liver and lung diseases, plus stuff like accidents. Actually the predominant killers of the elderly are uncontrolled diabetes, urinary infections and… dehydration.

Yes, I was surprised by the last one. Apparently most people over 60 do not drink enough water because they cease to feel thirsty. I don’t know about water, but the geriatrics in my family were thirsty right up until the day they were put into the ground. But the good Prof. Liechtenstein discounts the number of G and Ts or scotch and sodas they sink, it’s water that counts. And I’m sure he’s right, it’s just that my nannu drank enough of the Scottish beverage to sink the Titanic a second time and he lived into his 90s.

Nevertheless, as I stagger towards that watershed age I have promised myself that I will indeed slurp a lot more water than I have been wont to do in the past. The trouble is: water on its own is such a basic and yes… boring bloody drink; I’ll have to “dilute” it with something a little more appealing. No, not whiskey, but fruit juice. A fat juicy lemon squeezed into a glass of the wet stuff does, for me, make it bearable… almost. I am not expecting to live as long as my paternal grandfather; his doctor once told my pa that his father had survived for so long because all his internal organs were as good as pickled.

And so onto the subject that has occupied our attention for far longer than it should. Yes of course I mean the Covid 19 pandemic. The recent surge in cases has, so I’m informed, come into Malta from outside. In other words it has been imported by travellers and is known as the Delta variant. Most of us in late middle age and beyond have now been triple vaccinated. That is with the exception of the antivaxxers, those unable to get jabbed and the lazy. It is a troubling development and one that is occupying the mind of my nextdoor neighbour, George. His Covid paranoia knows no bounds and any talk of a surge, or worse… a fourth wave, sends him into a spasm and yet another period of self-imposed isolation, which he also inflicts on his wife and kids. He did surface onto his roof the other evening to drink a beer and chat with an extremely socially distanced me. However, his demeanour was that of a man besieged by a plague with no known means of escape or salvation.

He has also taken to wearing both a visor and a face mask practically all the time. I told my wife that I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he even sleeps in them. My wife replied: “He does… Christine (George’s wife) told me so.” That’s how extreme the poor guy’s behaviour has become.

For my part the major downside to this recent surge in Covid cases is the promise of seeing the mournful visage of that gorgon in chief, Prof. Medusa Gauci omnipresent on our TV screens. At least please spare us that.