Why stalking an ex’s socials is cringe

Or, how to get off your phone and move on.

It’s a truth internationally recognised (by my friends and me) that the minute a man is taken off the market, a woman (or man) comes out of the swamps of his distant past to reclaim him like a luggage of priceless jewels that they never knew they lost.

In the olden times, before the internet, when dinosaurs lived among us, and people had to physically wait for days to get their photos back from the developers, once a relationship was over, you’d happily never have to see the offended or offending party again unless chance, misfortune, or a village wedding brought you back together for a few excruciating hours.

The problem is that today, not only are they a click of a button and a messenger green dot away, but you can also physically see them painfully and happily moving on with someone else.

There have been whole articles written about the healthiest thing to do after a breakup. And yet, despite many people trying to be the bigger person, all it takes is one tequila shot too many on a random

Thirsty Thursday at the bar, and suddenly, you’re stalking his new girlfriend’s cousin. For most of us, that’s where it ends. But sometimes, Thirsty Thursday becomes

Freaky Friday, and you’re messaging him to see how he is while his new girlfriend is on the sofa beside him, eating

Twistees and drinking Kinnie out of his belly button.

Ladies, Gents, and everyone else, this madness needs to stop. If a relationship is over and the person is literally with someone else, then it’s a sure sign that you, too, need to move on. Stop adding and following the new partner or their friends on social media, stop trying to make conversation with them at random events, and stop

‘accidentally’ showing up at the same places. Their friends have already told the new squeeze you’ve been in touch with them, and now they’re onto your supposed subtle games, and they like you even less than when you were just a shadowy figure from the past. If the new partner doesn’t like you, then you can be sure as shit that your ex, too, knows that your ass has been acting crazy, and if there’s something that no one wants outside of the bedroom, it’s people acting weird.

Instead of focusing on something that’s dead and has probably been deceased for a long time, work on yourself and on growing as a person to perhaps avoid making the same decisions again, and if that fails, there’s no motivator like spite. Being happy is the best revenge. •

If there’s something that no one wants outside of the bedroom, it’s people acting weird