What hap­pens when we build up other women, rather than tear­ing them down with our own jeal­ousy and com­pet­i­tive­ness?

Australian Women’s Weekly NZ - - CONTENTS - With JO SEAGAR

women sup­port­ing women

We women need to stick to­gether more. We need to sup­port each other and cheer each other on, rather than tear­ing each other down. I sup­pose re­sent­ment of an­other’s success comes back to ba­sic hu­man in­stinct and Ne­an­derthal sur­vival of the species stuff, but I’m ac­tu­ally re­ally over it. I for one am not buy­ing into this silly game of be­ing jeal­ous of each other any more.

Right from the start it’s who can do the best hand­stand or who had the best birth­day cake, the nicest ball or wed­ding dress, the most hor­ren­dous birth ex­pe­ri­ence, the cutest baby, whose child walked or talked or was out of nap­pies first… and on and on it goes.

Of course it’s nor­mal to com­pare and it’s okay to have feel­ings of envy when oth­ers seem to be win­ning all the prizes, but the im­por­tant thing is just to ac­knowl­edge this to your­self. What’s not okay is to act on these feel­ings by knock­ing other women down.

Sup­port­ing an­other woman’s success will never dampen your own, and we also rise by lift­ing oth­ers, not by squash­ing them.

A friend felt ter­ri­bly em­bar­rassed re­cently af­ter telling me she had bought a copy of a pop­u­lar new cook­book and said she was so sorry for sup­port­ing “my en­e­mies”. She felt sure this so-called “be­trayal” would be up­set­ting for me. Well, how wrong could she be! I my­self buy all the new books my fel­low food­ies and cook­book writ­ers pub­lish. Why wouldn’t I? To all the gang out there – Chelsea, Mary Berry, Nigella, Na­dia, Annabel and numer­ous oth­ers – I adore and ad­mire you all and am so thank­ful to you for not only the fresh ap­proach and ideas you con­vey but also be­cause I re­ally ben­e­fit from the per­spec­tive you share with us all.

Be in­spired by oth­ers, es­pe­cially those in the same game as you, and play nicely and be kind – that’s my pol­icy. Remember your per­sonal success will al­ways man­i­fest dif­fer­ently from theirs. And an­other woman’s success is not your fail­ure. To­day, when­ever women are launch­ing or writ­ing

cook­books or host­ing foodie shows, if they are on the ra­dio, or just suc­ceed­ing at any­thing full-stop, I’m plan­ning to reach out to them – and es­pe­cially more so if I don’t know them – to just share the love and let them know there’s sup­port out there from other women. We have got to show a united front and cheer each other on. It re­ally comes down to self-con­fi­dence and self-worth.

Be­ing neg­a­tive about or jeal­ous of some­one lit­er­ally af­fects your en­ergy. It doesn’t make you or them feel any bet­ter. Ev­ery­one’s a loser in this sit­u­a­tion be­cause it just spreads bad vibes.

I want to be that other woman – the one who’s happy to be her­self in her own skin, not the one who’s wor­ry­ing that she didn’t get her share or that some­one else is more suc­cess­ful, pret­tier, richer, or more what­ever, than her. You don’t have to un­screw some­one else’s light­bulbs in or­der for you to shine.

Get out there and take note of other women around you be­ing suc­cess­ful and give com­pli­ments in­stead of hav­ing petty thoughts. Hav­ing suc­cess­ful, mo­ti­vated women in our lives is a great priv­i­lege as well as a joy – they sup­port and lift you, adding won­der­ful lay­ers to your life and steady­ing you on the jour­ney.

We need to teach our young girls from a very early stage more about how to love each other fiercely rather than to con­stantly com­pete with each other. Cheer­ing other women on, hav­ing their backs and cel­e­brat­ing their suc­cesses doesn’t take from the bless­ings com­ing your way. Karma sees to it that the more you give, the more you get. It would be a huge waste to lose all of this to jeal­ousy and mean-spirit­ed­ness.

“Right from the start it’s who can do the best hand­stand or who had the best birth­day cake, the nicest ball dress...”

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