JO SEAGAR:

What happens when we build up other women, rather than tearing them down with our own jealousy and competitiveness?

women supporting women

We women need to stick together more. We need to support each other and cheer each other on, rather than tearing each other down. I suppose resentment of another’s success comes back to basic human instinct and Neanderthal survival of the species stuff, but I’m actually really over it. I for one am not buying into this silly game of being jealous of each other any more.

Right from the start it’s who can do the best handstand or who had the best birthday cake, the nicest ball or wedding dress, the most horrendous birth experience, the cutest baby, whose child walked or talked or was out of nappies first… and on and on it goes.

Of course it’s normal to compare and it’s okay to have feelings of envy when others seem to be winning all the prizes, but the important thing is just to acknowledge this to yourself. What’s not okay is to act on these feelings by knocking other women down.

Supporting another woman’s success will never dampen your own, and we also rise by lifting others, not by squashing them.

A friend felt terribly embarrassed recently after telling me she had bought a copy of a popular new cookbook and said she was so sorry for supporting “my enemies”. She felt sure this so-called “betrayal” would be upsetting for me. Well, how wrong could she be! I myself buy all the new books my fellow foodies and cookbook writers publish. Why wouldn’t I? To all the gang out there – Chelsea, Mary Berry, Nigella, Nadia, Annabel and numerous others – I adore and admire you all and am so thankful to you for not only the fresh approach and ideas you convey but also because I really benefit from the perspective you share with us all.

Be inspired by others, especially those in the same game as you, and play nicely and be kind – that’s my policy. Remember your personal success will always manifest differently from theirs. And another woman’s success is not your failure. Today, whenever women are launching or writing

cookbooks or hosting foodie shows, if they are on the radio, or just succeeding at anything full-stop, I’m planning to reach out to them – and especially more so if I don’t know them – to just share the love and let them know there’s support out there from other women. We have got to show a united front and cheer each other on. It really comes down to self-confidence and self-worth.

Being negative about or jealous of someone literally affects your energy. It doesn’t make you or them feel any better. Everyone’s a loser in this situation because it just spreads bad vibes.

I want to be that other woman – the one who’s happy to be herself in her own skin, not the one who’s worrying that she didn’t get her share or that someone else is more successful, prettier, richer, or more whatever, than her. You don’t have to unscrew someone else’s lightbulbs in order for you to shine.

Get out there and take note of other women around you being successful and give compliments instead of having petty thoughts. Having successful, motivated women in our lives is a great privilege as well as a joy – they support and lift you, adding wonderful layers to your life and steadying you on the journey.

We need to teach our young girls from a very early stage more about how to love each other fiercely rather than to constantly compete with each other. Cheering other women on, having their backs and celebrating their successes doesn’t take from the blessings coming your way. Karma sees to it that the more you give, the more you get. It would be a huge waste to lose all of this to jealousy and mean-spiritedness.

“Right from the start it’s who can do the best handstand or who had the best birthday cake, the nicest ball dress...”