FAT shaming
Leigh Bramwell has been hedging her bets
THERE WAS NO SUCH THING as “fat shaming” when I was a schoolgirl. In fact, the thinking was that if you were fat then you should be both shamed and ashamed, so derision was meted out with relentless enthusiasm. Skinny girls were also shamed. They were given mean nicknames (Beanpole, Stretch, Bones, Storky) and ridiculed for their double A bra cups.
When I first started this garden over 20 years ago, I was still quite skinny and I planted trees that were fat. I had a couple of acres to fill and I wanted thick, lush foliage that took up lots of room so I could feel enclosed.
Now that I am not quite so skinny I've developed an affection for trees that are; not because I think slender is better than any other shape, but because skinny trees are very useful in some situations.
You can use them to:
■ Create a fashionably formal garden where you can waft elegantly down long avenues with columnar trees on either side
■ Add punctuation to an entranceway without impeding foot or car traffic
■ Give privacy in a garden where there are narrow spaces, such as between one townhouse and the next, or along a tight boundary
■ Grow a narrow hedge to divide one area of garden from another
■ Green up an area of hard landscaping, such as a wall or fence, that needs a natural element
Lots of suburban and urban residences have narrow garden spaces and they're something of a design challenge, especially for novice gardeners. The result is that these areas are often filled with unimaginative ground covers just to occupy the space.
But honestly, you can have a designer look alongside a path or beside a wall if you choose shrubs and trees that follow the Twiggy example.
You’d never be able to fat-shame Pseudopanax crassifolium (NZ native lancewood). I’d guess it’s the skinniest member of the pseudopanax family with long, slender leaves and interesting form and texture, and to be honest, I think it looks like a collection of half-dead twigs. But if you like the look of it, you'll find it grows to about 4 metres, it's as skinny as a rake, and if I'm being generous, it does have a sculptural look.
I only met Ilex recently and I really like them. I have a middle-sized one in the garden but the most suitable variety for narrow spaces is probably Ilex crenata “Sky Pencil” (columnar fine-leaved holly). It has small, dark green foliage and a neat habit, which makes it ideal for formal entranceways and avenues. I've read it works well as either an alternative or companion to the Irish yew or pencil pine. It's hardy, evergreen, and grows to about 3m tall. It has a brother called Ilex angustifolia (small leaf holly) which is another fine, dark-leafed tree that can easily be clipped into columns. It's evergreen and grows to about 3m by an enviable 1m wide.
Carpinus betulus ”Fastigiata” — upright hornbeam — grows into a spectacular conical pillar of deep green foliage. Its medium size makes it good for narrow spaces or to frame a view or line an avenue. It doesn't object to the odd haircut and it does well in a warm climate. It's deciduous and grows about 5m tall.
Plant Thuja occidentalis “Pyramidalis” soldier-style and you'll be rewarded by a well-trained, upright hedge with deep green, spray-like foliage. It's compact and tends to stay that way without much help, growing to 4x2m.
And for something completely different — Pyrus communis Beurre Bosc (fruiting pear) This one's deciduous with dark green leaves that change to glorious gold in autumn. It's hardy, deciduous and makes a fabulous avenue tree. If you want it to fruit it'll need a pollinator. At 5m tall and 2m wide, it’s perfect.
I was dubious when our favourite nurseryman recommended Laurus nobilis (bay tree) for a low hedge in our garden. Yes, he conceded, it would be slow-growing, but otherwise, he promised, foolproof. He was right. The dark-green foliage is smart and tidy, nothing eats it (except us), and while it has grown to about 2m tall so far, it's put on barely a kilo in terms of width. A model tree, in more ways than one.
I only met Ilex recently and I really like them.