Let your impatience find out who’s boss

If you’re antsy, forever eager to move on to the next thing — fight it and stick around

I look at the sea, the sand, my son, the blue sky, and I think “time to get out” . . . I have to bail after two minutes.

‘What’s the hurry? Why are you always in such a bloody rush?” — Nigel The Torch, Head of the French Resistance, Top Secret

Many New Zealanders are dangerously impatient. Wherever we are, we want to be somewhere else.

Even in our downtime, we can’t stay put. It’s Sunday, time to relax and recharge the batteries. We do the exact opposite.

We get antsy, hustle everyone out of the house for breakfast, sit down, and immediately think about leaving.

We hassle the kids to order more quickly, stress when the food takes more than five minutes to appear.

Eat up, pay up, get out, go somewhere else.

“Once you’re out, you want to get back. Wherever you are in life, it’s my feeling; you gotta go!” — Jerry Seinfeld

One of my sons loves ocean swimming. Spending time with him in the water is one of the most lifeaffirming things I can imagine. It’s a gift. I feel so lucky to be there.

I look at the sea, the sand, my son, the blue sky, and I think “time to get out”. My boy would stay in for hours if I let him. I have to bail after two minutes.

We sit on the beach for 30 seconds and I think, “I need a coffee”. Down the beach and back in 20 minutes. Get home, go somewhere else.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can fight the desire to leave by focusing on the restlessness. It’s a method born of neuro-scientist Dr Judson Brewer’s research. His new book, Unwinding Anxiety, looks into our addiction to negative behaviours. He teaches how to spot your triggers and defuse them with curiosity.

I was walking with another son last week. We were bonding. It was nice. As usual, every fibre of me screamed, “do something else”. So I zoned in on the restlessness. I concentrated on every part of it. Every sensation in my body and mind. I got curious about it. I observed it as it washed over me.

Five seconds later, it was gone. My son and I walked on, laughing and chatting. Five minutes later, the urge to gap it came back. I rode that one out too. This time I got 30 minutes before my brain demanded an exit.

That’s some record. A five-minute walk turned into 45 minutes of quality time with one of the people

I love. A simple case of standing up to irrational impatience.

According to Brewer, if you get curious enough about your sensations, you’ll break the habit. You’ll teach your brain to be happy where it is. Of course, five coffees won’t help, and if you’re hungover, you’ve got no hope at all.

“You are drifting, only exchanging one place for another, although that which you seek — to live well — can be found everywhere.” — Seneca

Sometimes the evil forces of work, nature and annoying people compel us to move. Fine, but often we leave because it’s what we always do.

We get antsy and bail. Wherever you are, you just have to go. You’ll miss most of your life if you keep that up.

In a beautiful country like this, we find ourselves in good places with great people most of the time. Next time you are about to leave somewhere, try getting curious about that urge. Fight back against impatience. You might end up sticking around for a bit.

There’s a good chance things are pretty good where you are.