We wish you a woke Christmas

Last week we had the first of what will likely be a series of news stories telling us what children want for Christmas. According to The Warehouse, the toys topping kids’ letters to Santa this year will be familyorientated, sustainable and interactive.

I have my doubts. I’ve spent a lot of time around kids — I even was one once. That sounds suspiciously like woke corporate language rather than genuine “letter to Santa” language.

I’ll concede the interactive bit. Kids do love robotic toys — although usually only until the first set of batteries runs out (some time on Boxing Day).

But family orientated and sustainable?

“Ever since the lockdowns of the past few years, kids are leaning towards toys that encourage them to spend time with family — think board games, puzzles, or building a toy together,” a Warehouse spokesperson said.

Reusable water balloons, a Barbie made from recycled plastic and wooden toys made from Fsccertified timber are among the toys on the Top 10 list.

“I’m sorry daddy, unless I see the FSC certification I won’t be playing with that block set,” said no kid ever.

It wouldn’t be Christmas without the crass commercialisation of childhood joy and I’m okay with that.

The tone of this year’s Top 10 toy list got me thinking about a bigger question though — why are corporates so woke these days?

Why do they feel that need to pretend that kids are environmentally conscious, family-focused angels?

Perhaps that’s just a reflection of the corporates themselves.

Whether it’s banks, retailers or power companies, corporates would rather present as sustainable, diversity-loving charitable organisations than profit-making businesses.

I think it’s because corporates are future-focused.

They aren’t consulting moral philosophers about these decisions. They are consulting their research divisions. They are following the numbers.

Voting in actual democratic elections (especially in local government) skews towards the values of older people who turn out in much higher numbers. That keeps conservatives in the game politically.

But corporates care more about who is turning out to spend.

Those numbers skew younger — and woker.

Young people are more valuable economic units because they have a longer life span ahead of them as customers. So I guess we shouldn’t be surprised by politically correct Christmas lists.

If woke millennial parents want their wooden toys Fsc-certified and their Barbies made of recycled plastic, then that’s what kids are going to get.