Healthy Minds
There are practical ways to avoid having your wedding take over your mind. Dr Kieran Kennedy, a Kiwi Medical Doctor and Psychiatry Resident based in Melbourne, gives Canterbury Bride some helpful tips.
How to manage the overwhelm with some practical ways to avoid your wedding taking over your mind
What’s your best advice for not becoming overwhelmed in the wedding build-up?
Stress and anxiety are often high during the lead-up to getting married, and it’s normal to experience a sense of pinballlike emotions with everything going on. Even positive changes (like moving house or getting married) are shown to cause a significant amount of stress, and means of reducing the impact of anxiety and our brains being on ‘red alert’ are key. Think about taking up some mindfulness exercises during this time, as research shows they can significantly reduce our sense of being overwhelmed and anxious. Check out the Calm or Headspace apps for some simple daily exercises that really work.
It’s important too to not let wedding planning completely consume us – anxiety and a sense of being overwhelmed often come from feeling like the usual aspects of our lives that keep us feeling grounded are being pushed aside. It’s vital to keep up the things that offer us some stress release and time out – keep your gym routine going, don’t replace that run with more phone calls, and schedule at least one ‘wedding free’ day per week.
How can a couple best manage others who are overwhelming them?
The lead-up to a wedding can be (and is) just as exciting and stressful for other members of our crew as well – whether it’s your mother-in-law-to-be, your bridesmaid, or the kids, managing the needs and expectations of others is all part of wedding planning too. Boundaries are vital here, and it’s important to feel we’re well within our rights to calmly let others know what we need. Be open with how you’re feeling (even if that includes being overwhelmed or stressed), and let others know what they can do to help. Being open and clear about roles and responsibilities early on can help avoid confusion and stress later on, and keeping your partner in the loop if you’re finding others hard to manage can mean you’ve got an added buffer.
What special techniques can you suggest?
During any major life events or stressful time, I’m a huge fan of the mental benefits that even a simple breathing technique can bring. For the months leading up to the wedding, make it a habit to spend at least five minutes each evening sitting quietly with a gentle focus on your breathing. Close your eyes, and centre in on the sensation of slowed breaths moving in and out past the tip of your nose or lips. Wandering thoughts are okay (and normal), but each time you notice your mind wandering to cake choices or where’s best to have that family member sit, just gently bring your attention back to your breathing. While at first this might not seem like it’s doing much, over time it helps reduce alarm bells in the brain and improve our ability to ground ourselves in times of stress and struggle.