Developing patience worthy work
Does slow traffic make you mad? How about a long queue at the supermarket, or being kept waiting at a restaurant?
Tolerating life’s minor inconveniences should be easy, after all, they’re minor. But it is often anything but, and we feel the tension ratcheting up by the second. What we need is a little patience.
Being able to keep a cool head in the face of disappointment or distress is worth cultivating.
Research has found patience to be associated with more satisfied lives, positive health outcomes, including reduced depression, and more pro-social behaviours like empathy, generosity and compassion.
Patience can be modified too, according to a 2012 study outlined in the Journal of Positive Psychology. This means that even if you aren’t a patient person today, you can still get there.
In her book The Power of Patience: How This Old-Fashioned Virtue Can Improve Your Life, business coach and change expert M.J. Ryan describes impatience as the ‘‘fight’’ aspect of the fight-orflight response – building anger ahead of confrontation.
She blames the amygdalae. This is the part of the brain that identifies threats and regulates emotions, and while it worked well in ancient times of dangerous predators, it now has a habit of making a bigger deal than warranted out of everyday situations.
If you can override this by applying rationality, you’re halfway to being patient, Ryan says.
Start by identifying triggers, she says. If you’re circling a car park hoping for an opening, you should clarify the problem, which is probably, ‘‘I can’t be bothered waiting.’’
You may then be able to pinpoint your concern as being about a lack of time. But is it really? And will you save time by getting angry? The answer is almost always no, Ryan says.
Instead of indulging in anger, Ryan advises applying a counter mantra like, ‘‘I’m in no rush. I will find a spot eventually.’’
The idea is to be objective and use that insight to control your response.
If it is a person annoying you, remind yourself you have no doubt annoyed others in the past too, says Sarah A. Schnitker, an associate professor of psychology at Baylor University, in the United States.
Also try to keep a positive mindset by reminding yourself the effort to be patient is worth it, Schnitker says.
The value of patience was highlighted in a study Schnitker did with nearly 400 undergraduate students, which found those who were more patient tended also to be more optimistic and satisfied with their lives.
However, Schnitker says you have to work at it, much as a runner builds up to a marathon.
‘‘You want to train, not try, for patience,’’ she told The New York Times. ‘‘It’s important to do it habitually.’’
Ryan says lifestyle changes such as cutting out caffeine and introducing meditation or yoga can be useful too. This may be because it helps you focus on the moment, giving you a chance to pause and identify the trigger.
Once you start getting the hang of it, research shows patience can help you succeed in your endeavours.
In Schnitker’s study, the undergraduates who were more patient reported putting more effort toward their goals than others, with the result they made more progress. This may help explain their greater life satisfaction.