Dream Dad needs to wake up

Don’t miss Adam Green and Megan Banks on The Hits Hawke’s Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday.

Parenting. We all have two parents within us, both in a physical sense, because we need those two people to exist, but also metaphorically. (Side note, isn’t it great that all your ancestors were lucky enough to find someone to shack up with all the way back to the dawn of time?)

Those two parents are 1. The parent you think you will be. Then 2. The parent you will actually become.

Oh yes, when you’re fortunate enough to find the one you decide to start a family with, you start with the parental planning as well.

Trips to the park with a homepacked picnic, blanket in the sunshine and joyous trips down the slide with your cherub flash before your eyes, as you stroll the aisles of the baby store selecting the stroller of your dreams.

But, post-children, the reality of parent two is upon you. You forgot the picnic blanket; the food is fast and picked up in the drive-through and you sit on the park bench while occasionally responding to the never-ending screams of “Look at me Dad, look at this”.

You look, and an arbitrary task is completed. “GREAT ladder climbing, sweetheart”, you’ll yell across the expanse, knowing full well you would have climbed that ladder in a quarter of the time. The dream stroller sits tattered in the car boot, too difficult to bother taking out because you need a rocket science qualification to clip the capsule in.

Parent one plans family mealtimes full of laughter around the dinner table, telling tales of the day’s activities and lovingly spooning another helping of mashed potatoes onto their plate.

Parent two knows that the reality is three plates served up on the bench then thrown to wherever the children are sitting. They’ll respond with “yuck, what’s this?” and you’ll reply “Just eat it, we have to leave for training in nine minutes, now have you got your shoes?”

Parent one dreams of storytime at 7.30pm (the planned regular bedtime), a light peck on the forehead with an “I love you” as you leave, and an evening enjoying some time to reflect on your great day.

But when Mum went away this weekend, I fully embraced the fact I was parent two, set up a bed on the living room floor and watched movies till 10pm. Long live Parent Two!